Me: First off, I want to say thank you for seeing me on such short notice…
Doc: No need to thank me, Mr….Loco, is it?
Me: Yeah, but without the Mister…
Doc: Is that your real name?
Me: Why? You think Loco is a crazy name?
Doc: Do you?
Me: I thought it was just kinda cool cause it rhymed with Yoko as in Yokohama. That’s why I chose it initially. But,no, it’s not my real name…I mean, what difference does it make, whether you know my name or not?
Doc: Well, I…
Me: …but I’ll let you decide what’s relevant or not, I mean, you’re the Doc, right? Maybe my name is relevant. Maybe everything is….
Doc: Mr. Loco…
Me: Just Loco. No “mister”… I hate the word mister. I don’t know why. Actually, I hate a lot of shit so if we’re going to be meeting regularly than we had better get to know one another, right? Well, the first thing you should know is something you probably already figured out cuz you have that sharp, intuitive look and an air or competence about you…yeah, yeah, you’ve probably figured out I have a lot to say…
Doc: Mr. Loco, I think…
Me: Seriously, Doc. The customer is God is he not? And I really, REALLY, hate the word Mister, so please, even if it’s against everything you believe in, even if it pains you to drop formalities, please please PLEASE call me Loco.
Doc: ok, Loco.
Me: Thanks doc…I can see we’re gonna get along just swell.
Doc: Can I ask you a question?
Me: By all means, doc…ask away. I mean, that’s why I’m here. I want you to probe the abyss of my mind. I want you to plumb out the crap that’s clogging me up. I want you to…
Doc: Why are you here?
Me: …What? What do you mean why am I here? I need help, Doc. Geez, isn’t it obvious? Do I have to start smashing shit in your office? Drooling on your couch? Put my head through that wall? I’m a sick man! I’m…wait a minute…You are doctor Ono, right?
Doc: Yes, I am Dr. Ono.
Me: Then I’m here to see you…you were recommended by a friend of mine. He told me you made him feel like a new man, helped him understand why…why, um…
Doc: Something wrong?
Doc: Why did you stop?
Me: You asked me why was I here?
Me: Well, I was just pondering the metaphysical answers to that question…
Doc: Which are?
Me: propagate the species, feed worms and maggots and fertilize flowers, maybe entertain a few people with my stories before I go if I’m lucky.
Me: Dark? Cynical?
Doc: No, just interesting…
Me: But, you really don’t know why I’m here in your office today?
Doc: I think I Know but I’d like to hear you say it in your own words.
Me: Ok. Well, I think I’m going crazy.
Doc: Really? That’s not what I expected to hear.
Me: That’s not what I expected to say. I was just going to sit around here yapping it up a while and let you tell me what my issues were.
Doc: Why did you change your mind?
Me: I don’t know. You just seem like a man who doesn’t waste time.
Doc: Was that a compliment? Thanks.
Me: Not really. It’s just something i picked up living here in Japan…a little apple-polishing to get us off on the right foot. It’s means nothing.
Doc: I…ok, thanks for your honesty.
Me: That was a real compliment!
Doc: I know. Thanks.
Me: I never used to bullshit people. Now…I do it without even thinking about it too much.
Me: Hell if I know. What did you expect me say before?
Doc: I expected you to say you were addicted to Japanese women.
Me: Really??? Why?
Doc: Half my male patients are.
Me: Is that a fact? Shit! Maybe I am too, then. Is that bad?
Doc: Well, Loco, that remains to be seen.
to be continued…