Loco in Yokohama

Over the course of my past 7 years in Japan (some of which I have spoken the Japanese language)  I have found that many of my feelings I just can’t express well in Nihongo. For example, all the feelings I would use “Fuck” to express in English, I simply couldn’t feel with its Japanese counterpart. So I was forced to create my own means of expressing the profanity in me that needs an outlet.  I call it: Ebonapanese. When you combine Ebonics and Japanese you come up with this. Basically ebonics is a word some educators in America came up with to describe the total disregard for grammatical structure and syntax some black people use when speaking English…I had to give my profane language a name and the word Ebonics itself fills me with very unpleasant thoughts so I felt it was an appropriate name. (Besides Englanese and Enganese were already taken)

10- Kawai fucking sou: That’s too fucking bad, that’s a goddamn shame, that’s totally fucked up! You’re fucked aint you? Like when that Japanese Olympic figure skater drew bronze last week instead of gold, (and the USA took the gold,) and he stood there on that podium looking like he was gonna slit his wrist on the plane home. Kawaii-fucking-sou deshou?

9- Wakkan fucking nai yo! – I don’t understand a goddamn thing you’re saying! Fuck does that mean? That’s Japanese?You gotta be fucking kidding me…This can be used when your Japanese girlfriend (or boyfriend) or spouse gets angry at you and starts to spew all sorts of Japanese they know you can’t follow, ala Ricky Ricardo spitting Spanish at Lucy on the “I Love Lucy” show. (I pity the person who has never seen I love Lucy. Lucille Ball is perhaps the funniest woman to ever grace the idiot box) Midway through their harangue, you shout this and wave dismissively. By no means is this the way to resolve conflict and in some cases may even provoke further conflict, but you’ll feel better (at least I do) and isn’t that the point anyway? lol

8- Hotto i-fucking-te! – Leave me the fuck alone! I started using this one, again, with my ex-girlfriend. She felt (and I really can’t fault her entirely) that I should de-prioritize my writing and upgrade our relationship’s. She had a point. A point she didn’t mind not pushing when she was studying to become an English language tour guide and using me daily for my bottomless well of English knowledge. Anyway, from my perch before my PC’s keyboard I used this little ditty occasionally…

7-Uru-fucking-see- Shut the fuck up! Well, it can be used in so many different situations including the same situations you use numbers 8 and 9 in. If you need me to tell you more situations for which this ditty is useful then I envy you.

6- Miten-ja fucking-ne yo! – Fuck you looking at? Why don’t you cut that shit out? Don’t you know staring at people for whatever fucking reason is fucking rude you asshole? I use this one on the trains or in cafes occasionally, when the intensity of the stare is higher than acceptable levels (laser intensity) or prolonged beyond what I consider to be apt time to get the “My God, he’s not one of us!” out of their system. Except kids…they can stare as long as they like (and they do, the little buggers!)

5- Onaka sui fucking chatta- Loosely translated it means: I’m so hungry I could eat dolphin sushi with natto gravy! Use anytime.

4- Mata fucking ka yo! – Not a-fucking-gain! Use any time. Like at work when I bring a bento of yakisoba and half my co-workers begin the daily chorus of ”Yappari, Yakisoba!” I can retort with this (in my head.)

3- U-fucking-zai yo! – You’re getting on my fucking nerves! If you live in Japan and you can’t find a situation to use this consider yourself an honorary Japanese.

2- Osu fucking na! – Push me again and see if I don’t put my foot in your ass! Sometimes I get pushed unreasonably and unnecessarily hard. This little ditty usually reduces it to reasonable.

1- Sumima motherfucking sen-  Excuse the fuck outta me! My personal favorite for obvious reasons. What? It’s not obvious? Well, sumima motherfucking sen! Allow me to explain…Sumimasen is the most ubiquitous word in the Japanese language, so the opportunities for uses are astronomical if you’re an habitual profanity user like me.

Well, I hope you find my list entertaining, if not useful. I have many more, of course. These are just the top 10. For a complete list Follow me on Twitter (click the sneaker below) or Follow me on Facebook (see sidebar) and I’ll provide them to you once I’ve compiled them all. Feel free to use any of the above in speech, but if you incorporate them into your writing please trackback to Loco in Yokohama and/or acknowledge the creator…

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