Got on the train this morning and found myself standing next to one of my buddies from “the company”. He was listening to his I-Phone and hadn’t noticed me so I nudged him. He didn’t respond. I nudged him a little harder. He pulled his earphones out of his ears and turned on me like he was about to let me have it. Then he realized it was just Loco.
Buddy: Hey! Mannnnnnn, I was about to…you don’t know.
Me: Sorry about that.
Buddy: Nah, I’m sorry…it’s just that some mornings I just wanna…
Me: You aint gotta explain shit to me…
Buddy: (He laughed…hard!) Yeah, I guess not. A few weeks ago some Japanese guy was pushing on me almost the same way. I turned around, grabbed his wrist and told him in perfect Japanese “You asshole! If you do that shit again I’m gonna shove your hand up your ass!” I guess my Japanese scared the shit outta him…
Me: Yeah, being about 6’7 and built like brick shit house didn’t hurt either ne.
Buddy: (He laughed some more) Somebody ought to write a sit-com about life here for us vertically-unchallenged folks, riding these damn cattle cars and teaching these kids.
Me: I’m on it!
Buddy: What? You’re a writer?
Me: I dabble. Mostly I write about my kids and co-workers at the job…
Buddy: You must have some of those little fuckers that love to tell the teachers to “die!”
Buddy: I learned most of my bad Japanese from them.
Me: Me too…
Buddy: One time I got mad at my wife and said “shine omae!” She actually slapped the shit out of me! That’s some incredibly harsh shit to say to a Japanese woman.
Buddy: I mean back in the States, women would just roll with it, right? They’d be like “And?”
Me: Yep. But not here. Unless you set it up early that you have a bad case of potty mouth. I always do that now. It doesn’t always work but sometimes I can get away with saying some outrageous shit.
Buddy: You crazy man…We should hang out sometimes. Damn, I forgot your name…