27 June 2010 ~ 2 Comments

Loco: The unintentionally abridged unauthorized autobiography

I was born in Brooklyn, New York more than three and less than six decades ago, today June 27.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: It’s Loco Day in Yokohama!Go Loco Go Loco, it’s your birthday, it’s your birthday! Unfortunately, the parade got rained out…Yabai! (Rain date 6/27/2011. Mark it on your calender.)

I was born at Brooklyn Jewish Hospital (I think it’s condominiums now…that’s NY for you!)  And, nope, I’m not Hebrew, but the doctor who administered my first spanking was. He’s been on my hit list even since! And if I ever catch him…bang – zoom!

I wasn’t the cutest baby, my mother tells me. But I had a big head so she just knew I was gonna grow up to be a selfish, ungrateful yet intelligent ex-patriotic sonohvah philandering deserter. All mothers are prophets, aren’t they?

My first home was in a lovely little brownstone tree-lined hamlet in Central Brooklyn known as Bedford-Stuyvesant or if you ask Jay-Z or one of them they’d say, Do or Die Bed-Stuy (Or was it Crown Heights—who the hell knows. The neighborhood demarcations changed with every administration it seemed)

Some years later a film maker would put my neighborhood on the map. His name is Spike Lee (the guy holding the pizza below). You might have heard of him. He’s the one who, from his front row seat at Madison Square Garden, taunted Reggie Miller into knocking down two three-pointers and killing the Knicks back in 1994.



Here’s a video filmed in my lovely community by a group of some renown way back when Hip-Hop actually had something to say. (Chyo natsukashii)



you spot Loco in the crowd? I was that black guy with the baseball cap, jumping up and down trying to get my face in the…ah, nevermind.

I was the 4th child of six. Yep, one of them happy middle kids. Look at that smile! 

And I grew up to be the quintessential prodigious middle child. Here’s a photo of my graduation from University at 13. (Or was that kindergarten? Shit, I should have hired a biographer to do this.) Doesn’t matter, I was a still a virgin I think.


I spent High School higher than Method Man, so I don’t remember much! And not a pic to show for it. Oh well. Doesn’t matter much. Wasn’t much proper education going on in there, anyway.

My mother is an artist and my father was a truck driving, guitar playing, philandering…oh I already mentioned him didn’t I? But he was handsome fucker, wasn’t he? I can see why mother fell for his game like a ton of bricks.

Yes, I used to wear a lot of gold. Two finger ring, a pinkie ring, and a herringbone bracelet. Must have inherited that from my father. He was a gold guy, too. I think I might be inheriting his pouch now, as well. Thanks a lot Dad!

Between graduation from HS and graduation from University I did a lot of stuff, I guess, but I can’t remember most of it. I was high most of the time (I mentioned that didn’t I?)…the rest of the time I was trying to get money to score some more.

I worked here and there. Who cares? Not the one of those jobs did I like. Wait, that’s not true. I liked writing for the newspaper…no, actually I hated that, too. But, I loved the writing part (-:

I made many friends and thank god I still have some of them, and their memories are intact. Otherwise I could never fill in all the holes in mine. I could plaster their pictures all over this page but I don’t think I can handle the heartbreak of another close friend suing me (Charlene, the check’s in the mail, and no it’s not in Yen this time) (-:

Then I came to Yokohama. And went Loco…and lived happily after.

The end.

Hope you enjoyed this trip down Loco’s tainted memory lane.


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