Had a rough day today.
Nothing especially bad happened. Just your usual shit. Got up, went to work, went to an Internet cafe, did a little writing, came home, wrote some more.
Same ole same ole.
But, in-between those lines, between the getting up and arriving at the office, between the leaving work and arriving at the cafe, between the leaving the cafe and arriving home, it was rough.
Rough as in I spent most of it wondering am I some kind of masochist, a glutton for punishment?
Yeah, it was a rough day…
A lotta little shit. Piled up like the shit in my neighbor’s back yard when I was young. She never cleaned up after her two German Shepherds so the backyard’s surface was mostly covered with dog shit. She didn’t give a fuck. So what the whole neighborhood stink to hell. The dogs didn’t mind, either. They rooted in it.
No, that’s not the best analogy for the Japan I was living in today.
But it’s close.
Just little shit.
By little shits!
Like the guy who, upon noticing me at the next urinal, actually moved another urinal away (like it was the most natural thing).
And the guy about to board the elevator up to the Internet cafe who, after stepping aboard and seeing me, stepped back off and checked to see if this was the right elevator (or something). Only to bump into me a few minutes later at the free drink machine in the cafe, whereupon he turned, high-stepping, and slammed into a woman who had been trying to creep pass me while my attention was on the machine, not knowing that I’m the kind of person who generally stays aware of everything going on around me…those New York instincts permanently ingrained in me. (Often unfortunately so here in Japan…)
And the guy on the line at the station reading his cellphone, looking up as the train arrived, who upon seeing me switches lines, glancing over his shoulder at me every other step as if he wanted me to know that I was the reason.
The woman on line ahead of me at the convenience store, so relaxed, not a care nor fear in the world, but upon seeing me in her vicinity suddenly, blatantly, conspicuously shifts into a behavior mode more suitable to some lone rich white woman living in some godforsaken hell hole that would have been the perfect location for an episode of “The Wire”.
And the woman walking her tiny little useless canine accessory, just as carefree as can be, suddenly sees me and lifts the dog up, tucks it under her arm and slides by me sideways, her eyes to the sky like this would protect her from me (like laying her eyes on me would render her incapacitated or something.) Her dog staring at me with the cutest little face you’ve ever seen.
I wanted to smash it and her.
I mean…just little every day shit by little every day shits, you know?
The kind of shit that keeps me walking around with my head hung low because, genius that I am, I learned that this behavior of theirs is reduced to a fairly tolerable level when they believe you are not watching them.
Yep, Einstein, roll over. Here’s Loco.
What kind of person voluntarily puts himself through this shit every day? Must be something wrong with me. Maybe all this time I’ve been using this moniker Loco I’ve actually really been loco and just didn’t know it.
And, if not, I’m sure soon to be.
I guess the best analogy would be dogs. Yep, back to the dogs again.
Dogs don’t mean to be mean. That’s just what they do. If you trespass, that dog is gonna tear you a new asshole. You come near the master or near the master’s belongings, or if it believes you to be a threat for whatever reason, it’s gonna bite you. I don’t think it wants to bite you no more than Japanese want to do a thousand little fucked up things like those above. Japanese don’t want me to hate them (I tell myself, convincingly some times.) They don’t want to hurt my feelings. They don’t want to make me feel like I’m something they wish didn’t exist- at least not in their immediate perimeter.
They just do.
But, tell me this dear readers: if that dog comes at you and you just happen to have a stick, or a pipe, oo a baseball bat, bet your ass you’re gonna crack that fucker over the head with it, aren’t you? So what it doesn’t know better. So the fuck what. Motherfucker should’ve fucking known better!
Yeah, today was a rough day. I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.
But, goddammit! It shouldn’t be this easy to hate people.
I mean, this was a “Stick me in a bomber and aim me towards Yokohama” day. I wouldn’t be the soldier following orders. Not today. Today I’d be the soldier following orders with profound pleasure!
Like those US soldiers in that Apache helicopter in Iraq from the Wikileaks video. “Just give me the word, Sir, and I’ll do light these fuckers up like roman candles!””
I can understand the relish soldiers took in killing these motherfuckers during WWII right about now, Yep, today, I can see what those American heroes saw in these people! I can see why Truman said fuck it and unleashed hell!
The futility of trying to understand them. The futility of tolerating them. Fuck it, just slaughter them…
I can see the logic today.
No, it shouldn’t be this easy…
PS’: Follow Loco!