16 January 2011 ~ 15 Comments

Loco’s new lady!

I’ve been kinda busy since my return from NY. what with work, catching up on writing, my first interview (a MUST-SEE btw) and re-uniting with friends, it’s been kinda hectic. And even though it was Saturday night, I’d nodded off rather early and had myself a well-earned sleep.

This morning however I woke up to a rattling, scratching noise coming from under my desk.


I eased myself out of the bed…I hate mice and most other creatures with more than 2 legs aside from cats and dogs. I haven’t seen any rodents since I’ve been in Japan so I was kinda shocked, and suddenly blood-thirsty. I inched my way across the room and grabbed a broom, and tiptoed towards my desk. And then there it was again, that rattling sound, like something had gotten trapped in my little plastic trash can I keep under there. Maybe last night’s refuse had attracted it.

Well, it was going to be its last supper if I had a say in it!

I peaked beneath the desk and I could see that my little trash can was not the source of the noise, but another box of some sort that was in the shadowy area near the wall.

I inched closer…bending over so that I could see what lurked in the shadows, grabbing my lighter off the desk as I did. Then I saw something, and jumped back…because I’d seen…no, it couldn’t be!

It was an eye!

A single blueish-green eye, looking arch and dangerous…mascara’d with false eyelashes and…

Wait a damn minute!

I reached under the desk and pulled out the box that contained the eye…and the rest of my prize.

As some of you may remember, late last year I was the recipient of the 2nd place prize in the 808 Armada 2010 Internet Scavenger Hunt: The Intron Depot #4 Space Pirate!

And it is everything I had read it’d be, and then some…but like many things in my life right now, it had been de-prioritized and placed in a secure location til I had time to give it some attention.

I hadn’t been informed, however, that it could rattle boxes and…

“Let me outta here!” a muffled sexy voice cried from inside the box! I almost dropped it.

“My God,” I said. “You can talk!”

“I can do more than that, if you let me out of this damn box,” she snapped. “I’m suffocating in here!”

I opened the box and removed all the plastic and accessories-guns and what not, and placed her on top of my computer.

“Gimme my guns…” she shouted, her first words of freedom. “I feel naked without them.”

I handed them to her.

“That’s much better!” she said, her exposed bosom heaving as she took large deep breaths. “Now, you must be this Loco person I heard so much about.”

“Yeah, I’m Loco. But, wait a minute, who…”

“I’m Intron Depot #4, the Space Pirate, duh,” she sassed. “And, if you could get your mind outta the gutter and peel your eyes off of my tits for a second, I need a favor.”


“I’ll take that as a yes…crack that window, will you? Smells like the bilge of my ship in here!”

“Sure, why not,” I said and did as she asked. as soon as I had she hopped out the window on the terrace with impressive speed and shocking agility. I liked looking at her already.

“So, this is earth, eh?” she said looking around the outskirts of Yokohama where I live while I tried not to look at her assets.”I don’t see what the big deal is. Nothing worth stealing as far as I can see…”

She turned back and faced me.

And she stared at me for what seem like an hour, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, with that pretty eye of hers.

“Well?” she hissed.

“Well….well what?”

“Well, why the hell did you bring me here?”

“I didn’t…”

“Oh nevermind!,” she said, sucking her teeth. “I never have any say in where I get sent anyway. Anywhere is better than that damn box, so I guess I ought to be grateful.”

“You’re wel…”

“I didn’t say thank you…shit, you left me in there damn near 3 weeks! Is air a fucking luxury on this planet?”

“I’m sorry, I was…”

“Please tell me you’re not as pathetic as you sound!” she said, turning away, revealing a tattoo on her upper arm.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

That on your arm…some kind of tattoo…?”

“And nosy!” she  said, squinting her eye in the sun. “Nunya! What do you wanna know, my cup size, too? Geezus, I don’t know you from a hole in the wall and already you trying to get all up in my business!”

She turned back and looked longingly to the sky.

“I hope you’re well,” she whispered under her breath, barely audible. “Maybe our paths will cross again someday…”

“Who are you talking…”

“What is your problem, Loco, or whatever your name is???” she cried. “Can’t you tell when a pirate is trying to have a private moment? Why don’t you go make yourself useful and get me a beer! And while you’re at it, brush your teeth…your breath smells like ass!”

“Alright…” I said, “But don’t go anywhere…”

“Where the hell am I going on this godforsaken planet,” she laughed derisively. “And, it’s cold as fuck and I don’t even have a jacket, not to mention proper panties or a bra. I am a Lady, you know.”

“Besides, You’re my captain. I belong to you, now. . don’t I?”

I was getting ready to deny it, but I thought better of it. Can’t have a half-naked anime hentai doll armed to the teeth running around Yokohama. One of these Otaku (anime aficionado) see her and God knows what he’d do. Or what she’d do to him.

“Well, don’t I?” she asked and turned to face me, a scowl on her face, but beneath it I could see loyalty and need.

“Yep,” I said. “You’re Loco’s lady.”

PS: Thanks again for the prize, 808 Armada (-;

PPS: These pics were submitted as a Show me Japan entry at Budget Trouble. Check it out for more info and other sites with great photos!

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15 Responses to “Loco’s new lady!”

  1. reesan 16 January 2011 at 7:45 pm Permalink

    so, did you have a romantic evening that night and show her the weaponry that you carry?

  2. RKat 16 January 2011 at 8:32 pm Permalink

    Lucky lady ; )

  3. C Brizz 16 January 2011 at 9:02 pm Permalink

    Oh my fucking GOD!!!
    The Otaku's have pulled you over to the darkside 🙁 Now listen Loco..just,just put the plastic doll down and back the fuck away…that's it..that's it buddy just,just put it down and let's let's just talk about this. Come on now..put it down and let's talk about Football and Hip hop and women
    What? You say you like Hip hop? That's great!! Me too. Ya see we can just you know just sit and talk some East coast West coast stuff while you put that toy down…O.K.? Loco….Loco?

    • Locohama 20 January 2011 at 8:53 am Permalink

      Come on, man…she's hot! Football season is almost done and hip hop died almost a decade ago. East Coast / West Coast??? Come on, man. Snoop Dog's best friend is David Bend it like Beckham. And 50cent is getting his tattoos removed LOL. It's the end of the world as we know it…

  4. Anna Ikeda 16 January 2011 at 9:56 pm Permalink

    Hmmm… And I had you for the kind of guy who likes sunsets and romantic walks on the beach. LOL! 🙂
    I wonder if they make a sexy pirate boy version too…

  5. YoshiI 16 January 2011 at 10:36 pm Permalink

    Your Lady is well-detailed!

  6. Jonathan Feltham 17 January 2011 at 12:19 am Permalink

    LOL, nice post Loco!

  7. Chris (i-cjw.com) 17 January 2011 at 2:53 am Permalink

    I, er, umm… the.. of that… um… sorry, what was I saying? I seem to have lost my train of thought…

  8. Warren Antiola 17 January 2011 at 6:01 am Permalink

    lol! that's a classic otaku "female dominated; submissive male" story! Love it! Don't worry dude. I'm not gonna turn you to the "darkside". If anything I think the world is ready for a LOCO figure, don't you think? ^_^ Thanks for being awesome and sharing your stories. I hope you'll be able to let me "use" you again for this year's scavenger hunt. Looking forward to what's coming from LOCO. ~peace!~

  9. Jamaipanese 17 January 2011 at 7:25 am Permalink

    wwwwwwwoooooooowwww! she is paking some serious heat. Funny as and excellent writing as usual. Here's to a long relationship!

  10. Christine Joseph 17 January 2011 at 10:42 pm Permalink

    That's HOT. And awesome. And just damned hilarious. 😀

  11. Exotic Japan 7 March 2011 at 3:30 pm Permalink

    Lol, using that doll as a basis for creative writing was probably this most productive use of it I can imagine. 🙂

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