19 February 2011 ~ 23 Comments

What’s up, Loco? #7: It must be Torture a Gaijin day!

This wasn’t  a submission to my what’s up, Loco? series, but it fits so I’m gonna work it in.

This from a longtime reader and commenter here that I’m sure if you read this blog you know probably as well as or better than you know me, by the name of Chris, AKA hawaiibadboy AKA fuKnWitU. Like myself, he has a couple of blogs out there that you ought to be checking out if you ain’t already. His new blog is aptly called: Confessions of a Bad Boy in Japan

He opened with “Fuck You Loco” (you gotta love the man’s directness) and proceeded to tell me about myself.

Here it goes:

“Fuck You Loco.

How fucking ironic since it’s what I got to say to you.

I’m looking at a shout out tweet in your sidebar. Your “everyday reads”
Just peeped 808 (Hawaii zip…another irony….the place I love) and it’s…well hey…alright.
My fucking role model who’s site I deposited 119 comments on some of them longer than your posts and I get…..a couple comments. I held shit down while you were busy and was told I was spot on. Where the fuck has the respect gone? Your giving love to fucking Manga sites? Thanks for the support dog. I ALWAYS told you straight and some support the other way woulda been nice…hell….it was kinda expected.

You got 995 twitter followers?….where the FUCK are they? This site is 1/2 you and 1/2 commenters. You didn’t even need to participate. Your comment section was like a forum in and of itself. You got a buncha fairweather (Rubi and a few others I ain’t talkin bout ya’ll obviously) commenters. You got some blogs in your roll that are about dead and 2 aren’t even in Japan anymore. I checked Tokyo Times last night and he got 35 comments because he responds to every comment like you used to. I always knew I’d get somethin. I had to join Stumble and whore myself for a comment though you didn’t even respond to the comment.

Is there a fucking problem?

You pimp your posts all day long and then don’t service them. You cherry pic who you respond to because your building bridges or whatever the fuck your doing? You used to put up with all that bullshit about being a Yokozuna at JapS*c or whatever that was so I shoulda known. I never thought I’d be watching you cheer Manga sites while ignoring my attempt to grow. You…you fucking break my heart. The ONLY male blogger I respect in Japan and you fuckin do me up hard.

I never saw it coming. Others might not get it but you know what I’m talkin about. I KNOW you hear me.”

Yep, I hear you, bruh.

Now you listen to me.

Today, just an hour ago a matter of fact, I was sitting in a dentist chair, getting root canal, thinking about you.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had this particular dental procedure before, but if you haven’t pray you never do. With all the modernization that has taken place in the field of dentistry, these sadist by trade (for some reason) have not figured out how to numb a nerve completely. At least my dentist hasn’t. So, it has taken four visits for him to remove four feisty nerves. Why? Cuz I probably scare the shit of him every time he touches one. I speak in tongues the pain is so excruciating. Today, after having put it off for two weeks, I went in to have the last of these nerve endings removed, Why had I put it off? Because this is the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life…I’m saying, I’ve lived four fucking decades without feeling anything near what these sadist up in there are dispensing.

So, why the hell would I be thinking about you, you’re wondering?


The third one, however, made the first two seem like jammed fingers, paper cuts or hang nails by comparison. The third one reminded me of Laurence Olivier and Dustin Hoffman in that “is it safe?” scene in The Marathon Man! It was dental water-boarding. I ain’t exaggerating. I grabbed my dentist arm mid-procedure and said, through, I’m sure, eyes that could kill, “This ain’t gonna work!”


The dentist said, “it’s the only way we’re gonna save the tooth. If we don’t do this we’ll have to pull it.”

This tooth just happens to be the one beside a gaping hole where my molar used to be, the molar they pulled last November. And, it’s vital for the bridge work that will follow this root canal.

I released his arm and said, “okay, do what you gotta do!”

Have you ever seen or read, “Dune?”

There’s a Litany Against Fear that Paul Atreides uses to prove that he is human when he is suffering incredible pain. Dune fanatic that I am, I have it  memorized. It goes:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain

And, yeah, the litany helped a bit. But no matter how many times I said it o in my head, it still hurt like I imagine giving birth must. 

During that procedure, seeing as how I had man’d up, this sadist who gets paid big bucks to torture people decided to fuck with the fourth nerve…you know, to see if he could knock both of them out while he was in there. it was a good idea, and I really wanted to, but even Frank Herbert’s brilliance couldn’t stop me from kicking over the dentist’s tray when he touched it.

I was a fucking animal, but I survived and so did the dentist.

So, two weeks later, today, I turned myself in.

This, after waking up this morning and reading what you’d written above.

I walked into that office like a man surrendering to authorities after sitting atop the Most Wanted List for years…my estate settled and most of my affairs in order, it was time to pay the piper…and ‘fess up to my crimes!

I sat in that chair, glanced at the x-rays- exhibits A  through fucking D- and at the peculiar shaped dangerous looking instruments on the tray, then into my dentist’s dark anxious eyes, and said, “let’s get this over with, yo!”

I laid back, looking up at the light, and I thought of you…and I told myself- like I’d told myself previously that I’d had it coming for all the Cap’n Crunch and Sugar Pops and daily Starbuck’s Grandes with no less than 8-packets of sugars- I told myself I had it coming cuz I brought Chris to this!

And, as the dentist read off my sentence and revved up the drill, I accepted my fate.

As he drilled deeper into the tooth, well into the process of essentially killing it by removing its last remnants of life- that feisty die hard of a nerve that obviously wasn’t ready to bite the big one, holding on to life with microscopic grip, I thought about how I had purposely neglected your blog…and it had been purposely done, for I knew you were cranking out the posts, and I knew you were waiting to hear from me, waiting to see how I would respond, anticipating the kind of support you’ve shown me over the course of the past year or so.

I knew it…so it had to be purposeful, right?

FUUUUUCK! I screamed, internally, when the drill kissed that nerve good morning, and the nerve replied, “Fuck you, Haisha-sensei! And, fuck you, too, Loco, for putting us in this fucking position…I ain’t going nowhere!”

But, I thought about you! And I gripped my hands, wringing the blood out of them, and squeezed a tear or two from my eyes…but I didn’t lose control.

“You’re doing very well!” the Dentist said, patting me on the shoulder.

No the fuck I’m not, I thought. I’m dissing a man who’s shown me nothing but support, who’s been not only a fan, but an inspiration, and a stiff jab when I needed it! No, I’m not doing well at all! But you go ahead…drill away, doc! And get it done!

The pain was like the ultimate wake-up call. The alarm clock from hell! Not only for the obvious reasons, of the dental hygiene and sugar intake variety. But, a wake-up call for my life!

It wouldn’t have been, however, if I hadn’t read your comment. It would have just been another dose of pain in a life I’ve often defined as pain management by pain avoidance.

I asked myself, why? Why would you not go all out for Chris? Why have you not giving him your full-throated support of his writing? Why haven’t you done much more than drop a line or two just to let him know you’re reading it? After all, you feel him! He’s a bad-ass, no doubt, but underneath all of that, you can see the heart that pumps the bad-ass, and, however twisted at times it may be, it’s an admirable one. A heart not unlike hearts you’ve known and loved all your life.

So why don’t you…

ARGHHHHH! The pain!


I cut my eyes at the Dentist, wondering if he had given me as many needles of anesthetic as root canal requires. Cuz, from the feel of it, it must’ve been “Torture a Gaijin” day, or something. Or maybe he’s just one sadistic bastard.

I drifted back to pondering the pain I’ve caused you (“You…you fucking break my heart”) with my sadism, torturing a gaijin, as it were, and I had the thought: this torture is no less than I deserve.

But, why would I torture you?

“Does that hurt?” the Dentist asked, rhetorically. I didn’t respond. Of course it hurts! If I’d invested time I’ll never get back, precious fucking time, in another person who arbitrarily disregarded my efforts, it would sting like a motherfucker.

Most of my tooth pulp was gone, the dentist informed me. “All that’s left is this one nerve! After we get this out we can get to work on that bridge.”

Building bridges…that’s what the dentist was doing. When you build bridges, you don’t start with the suspension cables or the lights or the road, you start with the support! So, why was I dissin’ my support? Like those grunts that worked on the construction of the supports for the Brooklyn Bridge and accidentally fell in. Now, their corpses are cemented in history, their contributions turned into sediment.

Your support has been rock solid, too.

And, your stories are astounding!

Was it jealousy?


I might’ve sucked in all the air in the room when I sucked up the pain from my fourth and final nerve’s final moments. The pain radiated all over my body, and I sweat like a sweathog.

“Wow, I think we’ve got it!” the dentist said. Then, the fucker had the nerve to add, with a chuckle, “You’ll remember this next time you eat sweets, won’t you?”

I didn’t respond. I probably would have said something unwarranted like,”Fuck You!!” But, it’s not his fault. I’d fucked myself.

And, I fucked you, too.

You know, I rode out that dental pain on a wave of remorse over how I’ve neglected you, bruh. So, now I owe you, again.

As for my behavior of late, what can I tell you?

I could give you some jazz about how busy I’ve been. And I have. And I could tell you how most of my energy has been focused on either writing and editing the two books I’m working on. And it is.  I could tell you that I’ve divided most of my remaining time between trying to improve and enhance my writing ability through exercises and practice (you know that saying that goes “luck is when preparedness meets opportunity?” Well, a brother is getting prepared) looking for new material, maintaining and promoting  two blogs, learning how to use social networking effectively, and all the other things you’ll be doing soon if you’re not doing  them already. And that, too, is all true.

I could tell you I’ve never been much of a commenter on other people’s blogs, and that I sometimes strategically comment. That I place blogs on my blogroll not always because I read them regularly but sometimes merely because the blogger had done something supportive or impressed me at one time or another. I could tell you that sometimes I re-tweet tweets simply because the tweeters re-tweet mine, and I know I have followers who are interested in manga, etc, not because I necessarily read every post they write (even if that’s what the re-tweet suggested). I could tell you that I don’t give a fuck about the Twitter Follower count, only in the quality of the Follower (but hopefully saying that would be redundant.) That Twitter is merely a tool I use to try and connect with people and shorten that six degrees of separation between me and the people I want to reach, that while the majority of those 950 some-odd followers do not match that criteria, a good number do!

I could tell you that while I used to respond to almost all comments on Loco in Yokohama, I’ve taken to (of late) cherry picking partly because of time constraints due to the above and partly due to what Alex stated about whether the comment’s  “written intelligently and pose questions that provide further food for thought,” as well as whether or not I feel (which varies from day to day, even moment to moment sometimes) the comment warrants a response at all…I’m not so much an intellectual or artistic snob as just a moody fuck with poor internetiquette, at times… (something I’m working on, btw). And, all of that would be true.

I could pimp slap you into next week and say “motherfucker, you done got in the game, for real. Bringing the noize I inspired you to bring! You’re well on your way to being a competitor now, so man the fuck up!  And the megaphone I’ve given you on this blog (among other things) is responsible for, I’m sure, quite a bit of the quality traffic that has flowed your way thus far. So, shut the fuck up, or just say thank you, and stop bitching at me cuz I’ve only dropped a few comments, hardly enough to make you feel all warm and fuzzy!  I’ll get to you asap, bruh, you should know that! You should also know that this blogging shit ain’t for the weak or the meek. It’s full-contact, sparring without headgear or gloves, yo, so pull your T-back out your ass and keep writing, and don’t get all bent over what Loco’s doing. I’m trying to do me! Do you!”

That would be true, too!

I could give you a lot of jazz, but I won’t…cuz you don’t give me jazz…well, not all the time. And, I respect you too much for that.

What I will tell you, though, to make a long story a little less long, is that moving forward, I’m gonna endeavor to take better care of my teeth, first and foremost, and take better care of my loyal readers, too…

That means you!

PS: And in case y’all don’t know who the man is that got me over here apologizing, in my way, and trying not to hate, and trying to amp up my own skills, y’all best check him out for yourselves, cuz money’s about to blow-up: Confessions of  a Bad boy in Japan is all dat!



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And, if you got a sec, and in the mood for another side of Loco, check out my new blog:

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23 Responses to “What’s up, Loco? #7: It must be Torture a Gaijin day!”

  1. FuKnWitU 19 February 2011 at 8:55 pm Permalink

    I went out and had some sex.
    I was eager to "get away" from her cuz I was focused on a "Message to B.A" ala N.W.A type post (getting away from sex to throw stones at you…….how FUCKED is that??) but after the sex I realized. Life is too short. And you got to me was my own complexes and paranoia. Whatever the fuck I was doin' it wasn't helping nothin'.

    Your a fucking master and my blogs first post appropriately cites you as an inspiration. I'm a fucking hack. I will never write a book. If I had stopped to remember your pre Christmas trip comments I woulda/shoulda remembered about the commitment to writing those books you had clearly stated.

    You gave me a place to express myself freely. I shoulda just said "Thank you" and walked away but I never was good at adjusting. The "act first think later" shit has never worked well in maintaining anything other than selfe defense but that comes at a personal cost that's enormous

    As soon as I read the title I scrolled down to see if I was off the roll…paranoia doesn't release easy. And I was still there…I felt dumb for looking. Then I knew for sure how fucking dumb I can be…again. You and Soba are the only 2 peeps I would even wanna talk to and yesterday I started deleting my comments on her site. I was trying to…do…??? I don't know? I'm sure she didn't even notice. And this. My Mom had root canal back in the late 70's and it was hell being around her. I added anything to that with my crybaby shit is gonna be my bad karma. I will pay for today, someway,someday.

    Karma is a bitch.
    I'm sorry I was too.

    • Locohama 19 February 2011 at 9:26 pm Permalink

      No sweat, yo! You still my man 50-grand! Keeping churning the hits, yo. You got stories and you got stones…like all the great ones!

  2. Jennifer 20 February 2011 at 1:08 am Permalink

    All I really want to say is that I am surprised you didn't already realize that Japan has some serious issues with Dentistry and even us here in the states know that they're behind about 50 years.

    I've had root canals and never felt a twinge, because they can numb you, and numb the nerves, all of it, so you don't feel a thing. They can even put you under for it, if necessary.

    Honestly you should have come home to the States to get Dental work done. Kinda your fault for getting it done there.

    • Locohama 20 February 2011 at 1:24 am Permalink

      Kinda wrong on that tip.! Maybe the anesthetics are weaker, but the equipment here is far superior to the archaic crap my dentist back in the states had. But thanks for taking time outta your busy schedule to tell me what I should have done

      • Zen 20 February 2011 at 9:54 am Permalink


    • FuKnWitU 20 February 2011 at 10:51 am Permalink

      "All I really want to say is that I am surprised you didn't already realize that Japan has some serious issues with Dentistry and even us here in the states know that they're behind about 50 years. "

      Give him a break woulda ya…..you know he's black right? He can't help not knowin stuff. He can dunk on anyone though!!

      (Stereotypes always sound about that smart. Japan got some fine Dentists and making a root canal feel comfortable has a lot of variables attached. I hate all dentists but telling someone his head felt like it was exploding was HIS fault is…kinda…anyway..I bet you do rock as a person…when your not talking…..just kidding 😉

  3. Chris in Oz 20 February 2011 at 1:36 am Permalink

    The drama! I was going to go to bed and get some sleep but started reading this post instead and now I'm sitting here amused. No I'm not laughing AT you guys, it's just the whole melodrama of it all: evil dentists and neglected blog comments…

    • FuKnWitU 20 February 2011 at 10:34 am Permalink

      There is a movie…or at least a "one off" comic book in their somewhere. I think the sadistic Dentist would be the easiest role to fill. Not hard to imagine a sadist with a drill and a paying customer gripping the chair arms everytime he moves.

      • Chris in Oz 20 February 2011 at 3:56 pm Permalink

        I'd watch that movie!


      • Locohama 21 February 2011 at 9:35 am Permalink

        For sadistic dentist you probably can't top Little Shop of Horrors. Any one ever seen it? Steve Martin was the dentist…wore leather and shit. He was funny as HELL!

  4. Zen 20 February 2011 at 9:51 am Permalink

    HAhah, good post, Loco-san your writting is tight slick! Yeah, but everyone knows or should know you are all about you and selfish, that is how you roll. So the dude needs to man up and take care of his business like you do. Roll like the master young dude! Loco Sensei is giving you props and showing you the way padiwan.. roll with it! Good post..ROFLMAO.
    I'll check you out, but will not leave a comment, I learned from my homie how to roll …


    • Locohama 20 February 2011 at 11:14 am Permalink

      Thanks Zen! Trying to tighten it up…yeah, I'm a selfish one, no doubt.. but in the best way! lol.

  5. FuKnWitU 20 February 2011 at 7:40 pm Permalink

    I never met Loco. Reading his stories and some pivotal moments including an influential Drill Sergeant.
    At the same place Ft. Jackson. And various other things got me thinking I could feel em'
    99% of people miss the little shit that defines moments. The masses got some fogged up glasses.

    Some people have come on here and God bless em'…..I know they thought they were making sense but the more they talked the less they made sense. And trying to point that out becomes a lesson in pointless frustration. I wonder how some people have made it through life without someone saying "hey…yo…..your ALL fucked up!! what's wrong with you"? But the other people don't see "it".
    Loco does so this place is comfortable.

    The fastest way to get away from a mistake is to OWN it. Wrap yourself in it. Touch it, swim in it..say hey…"I blew that…my bad…sorry" And then it's done. If THEY still got a problem then it's THEIR problem now. What TF do they want? a song and dance?

    I have seen seemingly smart people including President's, try and walk away from misses instead of owning it. They never learn. How's John Edwards doin? How bout Tiger?….lyin' and delaying your own reality is only gonna extend the pain…….makes no sense…none.
    I had to step away to get a reality check on myself. In the meantime I wasn't done like 99% woulda done me.

    Delete the comment and cut that motherfucker. End of story.
    Just a confirmation of what I already knew. 1%
    I gotta own my miss. I sometimes don't know what the fuck I'm talkin bout' and even if I happen to it's how I see shit so it is at best an …opinion.

    "Don't hate the player…hate the game."

    I don't know what # or FF or #FF means?? That's an important tool in the support system and I need to learn myself so I can be a better member of an intelligent social community.

    Heres about what I felt like at Ft Jackson.

    This is a Marine but it was about the same thing…and I LOVED it.

    • Locohama 20 February 2011 at 8:16 pm Permalink

      Classic! FMJ Best Line. I"If god wanted you up there he woulda miracled'd your ass up there." Love that movie!!!

    • AmandaT 20 February 2011 at 9:17 pm Permalink

      It always amazed me how much you…almost idolize Loco, especially because you've never met in person. It's proof of how genuine the writing is here I guess. I too felt like I already knew what Loco was about before I met him in person. But yeah Loco: you made a comment that Chris' email brings to mind now, you said something like "I'm just a guy, writing a blog". I mean it's a damn fine blog, and there is stuff here that really touches people but now you're Mr. Role Model. That's pressure huh? Or maybe not, as long as you remember to just keep doing you, even if that includes posts about manga sites.

      • FuKnWitU 20 February 2011 at 10:05 pm Permalink

        Since you replied to me I will reply to you. Otherwise I would cruise on by.

        I've never met him. You looked pleased in that pic. Good 4 you. Good 4 him.

        "always amazed" I'm sorry but what events are you referring to? Words like "always" and "never" are kinda worrying because few things besides death, taxes and winning the lottery fall in there and fit well IMO.

        I was once a viewer and commenter on your blog. Maybe your referring to the contrast I drew between his and your style. I recall specifically mentioning him. After spending time giving opinions I was publicly
        addressed and warned. Warned. By a person who had not yet even arrived in Japan and was sadly spending more time talking about studying Kanji than teaching. Yeah. Another Japanophile. As a person that runs his own School I take the teaching stuff very very seriously. I am not impressed by those who don't take the education of the ones before them with the seriousness it requires.
        (not directed at you unless you think it is?)

        The education,inspiration and motivation of the young mind. (I am blessed to be able to mold young minds. It is a chance for personal redemption and my Schools enormous success is proof that I teach like a mother fucking machine. As other teachers close and take other contracts …I not only survive..I thrive. I am what I do. No one ever got it. They never will.)

        I am militant about it. I think that's clear. I think this post and it's growing comment section is what I touched on with you. Not only was I not threatened with banishment but my critique and it's harshness was turned around on me with skill. God has many brushes with many colors and he used a different brush and color for you and me. I see almost nothing in your way. That's cool.

        "but now you're Mr. Role Model"

        Now? nah, the first time he let my shit slide because he saw the forest through the trees he was close and the "I am..series" sealed the deal. You mighta been opening your first Kanji book right about then. At least I don't remember your comments then?

        Good luck with that. The Kanji I mean.

        • AmandaT 20 February 2011 at 11:06 pm Permalink

          I'm not referring to events, just comments. On your own blog you called Loco the "best writer in Japan" I believe (I'm paraphrashing). By always I mean every time I read a comment where you big up Loco. I think my above comment could be misconstrued to read that I'm saying you have no right to idolize Loco if you haven't met him, which isn't what I'm getting at. I just meant the strength of the loyalty you feel for him is fascinating, and Loco must really be a hell of a writer.

          • FuKnWitU 20 February 2011 at 11:22 pm Permalink

            That's a compliment (on my site). Idolization is for Mike Tyson,Malcolm X, 2pac, Michio Kaku, Clint Eastwood and Robert Pirsig.

            I edited my last comment because coming odd is no good but I gotta say. The content we view is different. I hate on sites that are recycling the same stuff again and again. I have a taste for Here and Saboten. Neither one edits or attempts to muffle me. That I can assure you is rare. I am ip banned from most Japan related forums. Not a big deal but a proof. It is not common for me to be set free.

            Trust gets Loyalty. 10 times outta 10 for me.

            You surfed my site and didn't drop a comment. Sex,Drugs and ….not feelin it huh 😉

            Good luck to you Amanda!

          • AmandaT 20 February 2011 at 11:44 pm Permalink

            To be honest, I just don't know what to say on your new blog. I don't want to leave some bullshit comment like "oh that's rough" or "wow what an experience" cause it seems like what you're writing is so raw, and so different form anything I've experienced in my mostly "normal" life, and some of it is so messed up…I just don't know what to say.

          • FuKnWitU 21 February 2011 at 11:31 am Permalink

            "it seems like what you're writing is so raw, and so different form anything I've experienced in my mostly "normal" life, and some of it is so messed up…I just don't know what to say. "

            Wow…what a beautiful thing to say 🙂
            How you meant it is not important to me but WHAT you said is so good I might put it under my blogs header.

            Thanks for the possibly totally unintentional Su-weeeeet compliment!!

  6. Locohama 20 February 2011 at 8:14 pm Permalink

    You're welcome Rose….and you're not a fair-weatherer at all. You come through and you shout regularly and no blogger could ask for more.
    Yeah, the internet is something else…it's a brave new world! my old ass just trying to keep up with all the changes, while holding on to what is eternal, like friendship, and truth. And both are very slippery…lol. You know?

  7. Mythirdeye006 23 February 2011 at 12:11 pm Permalink

    Dude this is a little out off topic but you need a NEW DENTIST. I have what some would call British teeth (lol) and they are very prone to decay. In my 26 years of existence I've had 7 root canals and 5 of my teeth pulled. It's all about the novocaine- if you are uncomfortable they have to give you more local analgesics, or else it's torture. Find a dentist that's proficient with anesthetics and you'll never have this problem again, trust me.

  8. Mike 4 June 2016 at 1:47 pm Permalink

    Id go to a Japanese dentist anyday before I go to an American one. Had a root canal done by a U.S. dentist; she was using files and all kinds of weird things in my mouth. The pain was unbearable, left me so messed up. She capped it with some epoxy that came out latter. A Japanese guy went back in and did an excellent job. Also had my wisdom teeth out by a U.S. doctor, ended up brusing my whole face, then caught the flu while resting, never been so sick in my life. Now, if you have life/death illness, Id trust the U.S. side anyday, but for routine things like surgery etc Japanese are pretty damn good. Get cancer or a stroke and be a gaijin, well they freak because they dont want to take risk or make a mistake. You might end up in a room on life support waiting on “countdown” or sent home with a diagnosis thats a lie to make you feel good. Yes, it does happen and I saw it done to 2 different people. Thats the real, disneyland is over when you get sick in Japan.

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