22 February 2011 ~ 33 Comments

Are Japanese women just plain better?

Here’s an article from Jet Magazine (a black tabloid that’s still around I believe), about 60 years ago, not only about black men and Japanese women, but about American men and Japanese women.

It’s funny how some things change but many things haven’t changed at all.

Some nice looking couples deshou? (That Terry is a hottie, no question!)

Anyway, if anyone of you with Japanese spouses (or steadies, or jump-offs) have any thoughts on this, I’m sure people would love to hear some of them.

Y’all know my position (I posted it here), but to summarize: people are people…and though I’ve never marched down any aisles, I suspect, wives are wives, too. By that I mean, you’re marrying an individual (with an identity, hopefully) not a nation. Sure there will be some hurdles, some advantages and disadvantages, some challenges, whether they be cultural or racial or biological or…whatever. But aren’t there always…isn’t life about challenges?  So these kinds of questions (do Japanese women make better wives?) always make me a little queasy…

I mentally add “IN GENERAL” to everything I say, think, and feel these days…like dropping aspirin in Champagne.

Loco, right?

But, I could be wrong.  (-;

What do y’all think?

Loco

 

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33 Responses to “Are Japanese women just plain better?”

  1. FuKnWitU 22 February 2011 at 11:35 am Permalink

    I Like Eiko better 😉

    After surfing the beaches for girls for 3 years straight and sleeping with and of course talking with them. I was most attracted and still am to Japanese. Not Korean,Chinese,Filipino,Micronesian etc etc. The Japanese woman has made me her sexual slave.
    I like ones with strong characters that resemble an Americans cuz I need to cummunicate a lot and I'm down for the 50/50
    If she's sick I do everything
    If I'm sick she does everything.
    Otherwise we work together 🙂

    I don't know if they make good wives but some make A+ steadys that look like solid Marriage/partners for life.
    To be totally fucking honest..
    I'm here for em' 😉

    1st in mother f******'s!!

    **waits for cookie ;)**

    • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 1:25 pm Permalink

      Your honesty is admirable as always. i think if most of the guys here in Japan were honest they'd say the same…well, at least the unmarried ones. I came for the adventure, got sucked in by the girls (literally), stayed for the food hot springs customer service clealiness safety and the eye candy still makes my teeth hurt lol. Oh and here's your cookie: "You da shit and your blog rules. So says Loco (for whatever that's worth)!" http://badboyinjapan.blogspot…./(-;Thanks fior the shout yo

      • FuKnWitU 22 February 2011 at 2:13 pm Permalink

        Thanks for the cookie yo! 😉
        A Japanese woman with confidence. Straight black hair (I ain't into coloring) . A high IQ and an interest in reversing some of the backwards thinking related to Japan.

        Saw a story that was predicting doom for average salaries of married and single men in Japan now,and in the future.
        Men…

        No mention of the other gender which was odd as it was titled "future looks dim for Japanese workforce" or like that.

        What about the ladies ?

        They are the future. The smart companies are tapping that well as we speak but the mass media and the ridiculous variety shows that depict women (20 of them) being ranked on everything under the sun from who would you wanna sleep with to who would you wanna get married with are archaic. Let's put 20 Hikikomori's up there and have a check up from the neck up. You'd have to get them outta their fucking rooms first.

        I grew up with blondes. Was attracted to black hair and they don't usually shave "down there" I love it nicely trimmed but not shaved. And I just love em'. Can't get enough of em"

        Dear Men of Japan.

        I am sorry that I have introduced a level of sexual satisfaction to some of your women that you may believe only exists in print or on film. I am sorry. But I cannot stop. I will not stop. For that….I am sorry.

        **yo that's some tatemae right there…yup yup 😉 **

  2. William 22 February 2011 at 12:43 pm Permalink

    Walking down the aisle changes everything. Yeah, the seasons of life change, but judging by what I've seen, this place is extreme. I've been waiting for this question to come up. Are you sure you really want to go there? (Will try to come back and post in a few hours.)

    • William 22 February 2011 at 1:08 pm Permalink

      A while ago, the "sexless in Japan" topic came up. In response, there was discussion after an article that was posted on a site that would make anyone blanch.

      From the link: http://www.stippy.com/japan-culture/is-japan-real

      Trevor: "Japanese girls are like transformers, pussy whips in disguise."

      Kakui: "One of the big problems, it seems, is that a lot of Japanese don’t view learning as something you do your entire life. My wife seems to think that by the time she was 23 years old, she was completely formed. That seems to be her attitude with almost everything."

      Point is, asking people to grow in this environment seems to be expecting fare more than the norm.

      After 680 or so comments and four years later, there was a follow up.
      Would strongly advise taking some time to look through the comments after the first article, then, if anyone's still got the stomach for it, check out the long awaited second article.

      • RKat 23 February 2011 at 1:49 am Permalink

        That forum discussion is just about the most depressing thing I've ever read, and that's saying something because I'm studying modern Japanese literature where everybody commits suicide or leads the most depressing life ever before dying alone.

        After reading that I don't think I would ever get married. I'm sort of seeing a white American guy right now who only goes out with Japanese girls. I thought, "is this what he goes through?" What the fuck. Some of those men sounded so completely sad and pitiful and crushed. I almost wish I read this when I was still working actually, I would have known what buttons to push on the customers more.

        • Chris Davis 23 February 2011 at 9:24 am Permalink

          Yeah, I got the same feeling as you reading that thread. I'm marrying my gf of 3 1/2 years this year and I have strong hopes of being one of the few happy couples. But still…

          • Locohama 23 February 2011 at 10:52 pm Permalink

            After this feedback I'm not even gonna touch that thread…I got enough darkness on my plate lol I need a patronus!
            Oh wait, i got one! better act y'all know and peep it! Shameless dip in my own cookie jar ahead: http://www.locospatronus.wordpress.com

        • William 23 February 2011 at 12:16 pm Permalink

          When I read the first article, I kind of felt sick to my stomach like I’d just witnessed a violent act. In fact, what I’d read appeared to be much more damaging than anything I could imagine… never saw it coming.

          Pressing buttons.

          After living here a while, I actually began to understand why people would be willing to pay so much just to have someone listen to them and commiserate. The workplace can too easily become a refuge from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) faced on the domestic front.

          The follow-up to the original article came out just last year. Pretty interesting, but not necessarily what people want to hear. Anyone from the outside who wants to get married in this culture at least can get an idea of what’s going on.

          And realize that it doesn’t have to be that way.

          (I wrote this at the same time as the comment on FuKnWitU, since it all seems to go together.)

    • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 1:50 pm Permalink

      I certainly don't want to go "there" but seems you do so as long as you're bringing something to the table that's interesting / funny/ useful/ etc..I'm in! I've said my piece already. Not really looking for answers…8 years I've been dealing and I have my ideas too, though like i said genralization made me はきたい

  3. Zen 22 February 2011 at 12:54 pm Permalink

    Hmmm, this is a sticky topic. Women are women in many ways. Having been married to two Japanese women, I do have some background in this. My first was more "American" in style, we are divorced. My second, has a lot of the Japanese old school culture going for her. However, she is not a submissive stereotype. Nor are none of the other Japanese wives I know who are married to Americans. I do not think that type will marry a Non-Japanese. A Japanese woman who will marry outside of a Japanese native, will already be a out of the box progressive thinking person. If you want a stereotype Japanese, I doubt you will find one who will marry a non-Japanese. However the hybrid models rock! Old school values and New world mind, which can sometimes be a pain (^_^), but worth it!
    With that said there are some Western women who also rock the house, it it just more a search to find them. It may have something to do with trying to prove they are a man's equal…or better.

    Anyway the best woman is one who loves you and will work with you. It should be a partnership, sometimes you bring her the glass of wine, sometimes she does it for you. However she should never say, are your legs broke?

    • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 1:47 pm Permalink

      Thanks Zen!
      I'm not sure what you've said, or if you've said anything at all LOL Seems like you really want to say "who the fuck knows" or "they are as great or as awful as you make them out to be in your mind" or something like that. Marraige is an institution I've never entered into so what do I know? Nada. Thanks for the shout though

  4. Robert Wallace 22 February 2011 at 2:08 pm Permalink

    Couldn't agree more with this "… wives are wives, too. By that I mean, you’re marrying an individual (with an identity, hopefully) not a nation".

    As usual, great article. Also learned something new "Jump-off".

    • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 9:15 pm Permalink

      Yeah, Jump-off's been around for about a decade or so
      Here's where i furst heard it: My man Joe Budden

    • William 23 February 2011 at 12:15 pm Permalink

      I totally agree that marriage is to an individual. At the same time, it has been hard for me to ignore that the environment of the nation in which I see people trying to live can be a mother to deal with. The current of ‘sho-ga-nai’ can be strong, so easy to get sucked in. Although simply going with the flow of cultural norms doesn’t work for me, I’d be telling a fat lie if I said it hadn’t worn me down. For a while there, I had sunk, maybe to the bottom. Part of it was that feeling of witnessing something that just shouldn’t be happening that sent the brain into shock; I was simply looking in the mirror. Fortunately, that sting of my ego from getting slapped in the face seems to have snapped me out of it. I’d rather swim than go under.

      That’s one of the reasons I have taken to reading Loco’s blog, yours, and now a few others’.

      (Wrote this comment with the comment to RKat, since it’s on the same thread/idea. Hard for me to separate the thoughts.)

      • William 23 February 2011 at 3:56 pm Permalink

        Sorry Robert, this comment was meant to appear under the one (that I can't find now) posted by FuKnWitU. First started reading Loco's blogs, then his, now a number who are on his blog roll.
        Anyway…

        By the way, thanks for making space on your blog for comments Loco.

        • Locohama 23 February 2011 at 10:48 pm Permalink

          My pleasure…actually the space has always been here, hasn't it? Or do you mean switching to Disqus?

          • Will 25 February 2011 at 1:40 am Permalink

            Yes, the space has always been available. If I start writing too much, I'd be tempted to start my own blog. But that's not where I need to be at this point, so I'm more or less thinking out loud in someone's (your) public space. Reading through blogs is still kind of an alien concept, something that isn't necessarily a comfortable thing for me. And everyone seems to have their own way of communicating. Personally, I feel like I should spend more time just reading and observing than taking part. Your posts on Yokohama are things I can relate directly to. Your other writing is usually of a slightly different style. I like it, but I haven't seen anything I could really add to. Stevie Wonder is great, but I've never been a huge comic fan. The only reason I knew about DareDevil was because of a misfit roommate I had in college who was kind of a cross between Thornton's Karl Childers and Malkovich's Lenny Small in looks, stature, and sheer strength. Although he was real smart, I think he tended to give people the gitters. He could eat a lot and became know as el tiburon. At this point in life, his wife's had a number of books published and I think they put together a graphic novel a few years ago, mainly for their kids.

            So, do Japanese women really make better wives?
            Chris Rock-Never Scared-Married life seems just as applicable here as anywhere else.

  5. Zen 22 February 2011 at 2:16 pm Permalink

    PS: I like Teruko best.

    …And you are right, I felt that way after I wrote it also. Did I say anything? But the break down is

    "who the fuck knows" or "they are as great or as awful as you make them out to be in your mind" or something like that"

    yup!

  6. アイハッスル 22 February 2011 at 2:41 pm Permalink

    I'm married to a Japanese woman as a result of love, unplanned pregnancy and my inner urge to do the right thing. She's extremely supportive, pure hearted and always acknowledges my potential when I can't seem to do so. She was my long distance girlfriend for three years and she blew all of my ex's "out the frame" so to speak. We were both lucky enough to be the offspring of intelligent, open minded parents who have eloquently supported our journey together. Her only downside is that she's always concerned about other Japanese women, especially the ones she calls ブラパン , influencing me to let out my inner pimp/player mentality and act on it. Though I've never cheated on my wife or flirted with the thought, I know that I would be a more focused husband if I were living in the States. Having a new family and moving to Japan after five months is still hard to take in all at once. I think the eye candy became sweeter once I tied the knot because I don't remember the women here being this fine when I was just coming over to visit. When I go out by myself, I get the same feeling I used to have when I would smoke weed before going to work…..enjoying it but feeling slightly uneasy and paranoid. With that said, I totally understand her point. At the end of the day, my wife is the sexiest, coolest and sweetest person I've ever met and she just happens to be Japanese. She keeps me grounded and always reminds me that I'd be completely broke, miserable and lost with her.

    • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 2:52 pm Permalink

      Wow! Now THAT'S a testimonial and a half…Thank you for sharing that…I'm sure a lot of men and women out there would like to find what you and your wife found in one another. Fidelity is a mofo though here as everywhere, but I know what you mean about the eye candy and junk food up in here seeming to be just that much sweeter, enticing and satisfying where as back home you could turn your back on twose twizzlers and goobers twinkies and chocodiles easily. LMAO! Ganbatte!

  7. RKat 22 February 2011 at 3:15 pm Permalink

    I will be the first Lady to comment on this. But I don't really have much to say.

    I love this topic. Still don't know what it's all about though. My mama is Japanese, my dad's American, they had a shitty marriage and are happily divorced. Growing up we had a lot of family friends where the wife was Japanese and the husband American. Not a lot of them are still married, the ones that are don't necessarily seem happy. But then again, MOST marriages don't last.

    In the Japanese American community, there's a few obachan's with their white grandpas, still married. It's a thing! Big American man, little Japanese lady. I've had a few American people be like, "oh you're half Japanese, I've got a friend who's married to a Japanese war bride!" You can say that it's all about the individuals, but when you look at the sheer numbers, it's got to be something more. But when you try to figure it out, you can't.

    • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 3:35 pm Permalink

      Hey Rkat! Thanks for being the first woman to chime in on this! Cookies for u too (Rkat- AKA Sabotengirl of http://sabotengirl.tumblr.com/ is a blogger I have admired for years now. A must read! IMHO)
      Now to your comment. Yeah…I don't know may sucessful marraiges int'l or otherwise so I don't place much stock in the institution personally. is it me or does "War bride" feel like a slur?
      Why do u love this topic? I would think it'd be the opposite? Rehashes not so pleasant memories…

      • RKat 22 February 2011 at 4:04 pm Permalink

        Thank you for the cookie!

        I guess I don't "like" the topic, I'm just totally fascinated by it. Foreign guys get more attention here. The ones who didn't get that much attention back home almost can't handle it. The ones who are used to a good amount of attention back home don't go quite as crazy. It's just interesting to see all that. Growing up I saw all these Japanese wives hanging around together with mixed race kids like me, with big dopy white dads. And everybody just acted like it was normal. You grow up and see a bigger world and realize, it's kind of weird.

        Sometimes my (Japanese) girlfriends will be excited to introduce me to some American guy they're interested in or seeing. They think we'll be friends because we're both American. But these American guys cruising on a high from Japanese girl attention do NOT want to see me. It's like I wake them up off of their cloud or something. One girl asked me if I'm into "foreign" guys (meaning American guys, who aren't exactly foreign for me). I said to her THEY'RE not into me.

        PS, I like Terry Clemons.

        • William 22 February 2011 at 5:10 pm Permalink

          Having dinner with some foreign teachers after a conference one older single fellow asked if we, the other folks at the table, would recommend getting married. I totally stopped eating, took a sip of beverage, looked down at my plate, looked back up at him and said, “I don’t have an answer” or something like that.

          I turned to foreign woman sitting at the table who was raising a few solid boys (who play rugby, I think) with her Japanese husband. I asked what she thought and her answer was a frank NO. Didn’t even hesitate. Damn. Still, looks like she’s locked in for the long haul. Damn. She really cares about her kids.

          Call me a freak, but when I am back in the US, I feel like I attract a lot more attention from women there than I do here. Okay, maybe that’s because I rarely, if ever, go out. Any free time I happen to have, I want it to count… not be hung over. And I’ve mostly been working the last few years until recently realizing that I needed more than a day off every few weeks. Most free time now goes directly to the family. And keeping my sanity.

          Maybe I’m a little averse to Japanese women, in general, because of what I’ve been through. And what I see.

          “Especially when they are in the courting stage, it is natural for women to want to raise the excitement in the relationship. They want to make their time together with you enjoyable so put in an effort to make you happy – which means including some great sex. They aren’t really reaching orgasm but they don’t want to sour the mood by letting on. They have mastered faking their climax to make you feel like an alpha male.”

          My first long-term relationship here burned me a bit. In the end, it came down to a list of wants: a kid, a car, and a house. She said it just like that. Finally, the truth. And that was when I was in my 20’s. Not wanting to exist solely as a human ATM, I bailed. Like a surprise, it screwed me up a bit and hurt a heck of a lot more than I’d ever expected. Even when I knew I had been played. How much of that had been an act? I’ll never know. Apparently she lucked out and was with someone long enough to get knocked up for the “deki-chatta kekkon” or shotgun wedding – so said one of her friends. I stopped caring…for a while.

          On the rebound, more than a year later, I met a foreign lady here. Turned out I was kind of like a trophy for her. And then, in the end, I wasn’t good enough. Imagine that. Apparently I didn’t have the right educational background, hadn’t graduated from the right schools, or something like that. Burned again, but she wanted to still be friends. Right. She’d come back to visit and I’d happened to see her walking down the street. Could see that she’d been surprised to still see me here. Apparently, she still wanted to be friends, at her convenience. That’s the last time I said ‘hi’ and ‘bye’. A couple years later, she tried to contact me, sent some mail asking me why I hadn’t told her about getting married (she’d heard though a girlfriend). That’s when I put her email address on a ‘return to sender’ filter. A few years later, she tried to “friend” me on Facebook. One of the few people I’ve actually blocked.

          After a while, I met someone who I felt was right enough.
          Now, I’ve got a family here. Set down roots. Is it easy? No, not always. Still, we manage.

          All I can say is that I am glad I’m not in one of those situations where I’ve been nudged into a separate bedroom. But I could have been. Easily.

          I never want it to get this bad:
          “Ironically, the whores that their husbands are using are doing the wives a far greater service than the desperate salarymen.The wives are able to keep their families together without having to ‘service’ their husbands. Most of these wives “don’t even want to touch their husbands any more”, let alone tell them that they love them or have sex with them.”

          “Saigo was pretty blunt about it. Japanese men just don’t know how to fulfil a woman sexually. The flip side of that razor edged coin is that Japanese women never get the chance to realise that sex can actually be enjoyable. Men don’t enjoy it. Women don’t enjoy it. No wonder everybody seeks it outside of the home.”

          • RKat 22 February 2011 at 5:22 pm Permalink

            marriage, what is it all about. it remains one of the biggest mysteries of life. The only time it makes sense is when its for a visa.

          • Locohama 23 February 2011 at 10:49 pm Permalink

            That was dark…I need a visa btw (-;

        • Locohama 22 February 2011 at 9:09 pm Permalink

          Yeah, fascinated makes sense. Attention is overrated, but unfortunately many people thrive on it (and writers eat or starve by it) whether we like it or not. Shouganai. "Not into you"??? They must've been high on un-cut J-funk! lol Yeah that Terry is shonuff something aint she?

  8. Zen 23 February 2011 at 12:42 pm Permalink

    "Do Japanese women make better wives" Short answer, depends on what you want/ are looking for…what is better?

  9. Locohama 25 February 2011 at 12:49 pm Permalink

    BTW, if you want to see some additional commentary ion this subject check out the piece my man Eric did on Black Tokyo. You can find it here: http://wp.me/pfA6d-2F

  10. Alasdair 31 July 2012 at 4:08 pm Permalink

    I’m a little late here but better late than never. BTW, thanks for “opening” that JET issue once and for all for I first saw the cover of this issue over 20 years ago and I never got to see what was what the subject. I like it a lot and its well written.

    I have over 30 years association with Japan and I must say this: Japanese women are it. Since my first Japanese GF in 1989 when I was 18 in NYC and now married to one, I have never looked back and look upon undisguised disgust at all American women, whether white, black, hispanic or asian. They are uncouth, unladylike and just dirty. No thank you. I am in 41st year and I intend to die in Japan with my wife right next to me.

    Japan welcomes you.

    A


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