07 March 2011 ~ 20 Comments

Your Friendly Shinjuku Spider-Man

All

I know, I know, I know…but you guys know how I LOVE Spider-Man, so cut me some slack.

So, I go to Shinjuku to get my bi-weekly shave and a haircut (2 bits) and guess who I see doing a pole dance in Shinjuku? That’s right, none other than my childhood hero and role model, the webbed wonder, the spectacular, J.Jonah Jameson’s favorite scapegoat, Mary Jane Watson’s favorite hunk, Marvel Comics Finest, and New York’s very own friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!

“Spidey!” I hollered. “What the hell are you doing pole-dancing in Tokyo???”

He leapt from that pole like Jennifer Peale couldn’t have done in her wildest wet dreams, somersaulting into web-firing position…aiming at me!

“Hey Spidey!!! What the fuck is your problem???It’s your boy, Loco, from NYC, mofo!”

He just looked at me, for a long hot sec, like I was the Green Goblin or Venom or somebody. His behavior made me wonder if  maybe some Japanese Cirque du soleil performer had “borrowed” one of his costumes. The real Spider Man would never give a fellow New Yorker the web-finger! Unless they had it coming of course, like J.Jonah Jameson.

“Sorry, Loco” he said, putting the finger away, and I exhaled. “Didn’t recognize you, buddy. Long time no see! How’s it hanging?”

“Can’t complain…” I said, still dumbfounded to find the greatest hero in NY history fucking a pole in Tokyo. “So, what’s the deal?” 

“NY just ain’t what it used to be, you know? Fucking boring, to tell you the truth. I just needed a change. So, I’m looking for some new haunts. I heard crime was on the rise in Tokyo so I came over to scout it out for myself.”

“Unless you’re keen on running down bicycle thieves,  umbrella “borrowers” or booty bandit perverts on the subways, you’re in the wrong country, my man.”

“One sec, Loco…gotta do a little PR pose for these guys!”

I watched him, shaking my head in disgust.

“Sorry about that Loco,”” he said, once he resumed standing. “But, gotta win the public over!”

“This is disgraceful, Man!”

“Tell me about it,” he said. “This is my fucking life!”

“But, you’re a hero…I mean, true blue, saved the city, hell, saved the world a couple of times!”

“I know, I know…but people only remember your last deed, you know!”

“I hear you,” I sighed. “But…”

“Sorry, Loco, one sec!”

And he bent down and posed for a pic for some school girls. I couldn’t take it anymore. I would have pimp slapped him but he could twist me into bookends and  hang me from a lamppost by my underwear with as much effort as it takes me to fart, so I didn’t.

“Well Spidey, it’s been real,” I said in parting. “I hope you can get situated soon.”

“Thanks Loco,” he said distractedly. He was still waving goodbye to the girls…playboy. He ain’t gonna never leave Japan.

“If you could pull your eyes away from that eye candy for a sec, how about a pic?”

“Oh..oh yeah no problem, Loco,” he said.

 

Loco

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20 Responses to “Your Friendly Shinjuku Spider-Man”

  1. Warren Antiola 7 March 2011 at 10:54 am Permalink

    One word. . . CLASSIC!

  2. Exotic Japan 7 March 2011 at 10:57 am Permalink

    Ha ha ha, That's great how you can take a mildly amusing photo and make it much more funny with your text. 🙂

    • Locohama 7 March 2011 at 2:30 pm Permalink

      Thanks Exotic! Yeah, just thought I'd make up a little story to keep it interesting. Glad you liked it. I like doing these. Last time was with the toy I'd won from @808armada

      Remember Loco's New Lady? http://bit.ly/hAcqJm

  3. Cedric Domani 7 March 2011 at 4:36 pm Permalink

    Is that a NYPD hoodie? You reppin' the man in Japan? AREEEEE????

    • Locohama 7 March 2011 at 5:45 pm Permalink

      like spidey im a crimefighter at heart (-; thanks for the shout yo

  4. Andy Arnott 7 March 2011 at 5:29 pm Permalink

    That costume looks like it's had some wear.

  5. Andy Arnott 7 March 2011 at 8:29 am Permalink

    That costume looks like it’s had some wear.

    • Locohama 8 March 2011 at 1:38 pm Permalink

      lil' bit ne All that clowning around in the street'll do that 🙂

  6. Biggie 7 March 2011 at 8:06 pm Permalink

    that's my Hero of all-time!

  7. reesan 7 March 2011 at 8:31 pm Permalink

    awesome stuff loco! too funny. btw, did spidey tread in dog shit (last pic, right foot)?

    • Locohama 8 March 2011 at 1:36 pm Permalink

      Thanks yo! Yeah, his gloves weren't so clean either. Scaling pollution coated buildings can be messy I guess.

  8. FuKnWitU 8 March 2011 at 1:10 pm Permalink

    Love the pic with the woman behind spidey paying absolutely NO attention. "Betzooniii"
    The city is priceless..constantly.

  9. Locohama 8 March 2011 at 1:37 pm Permalink

    that thought never crossed my mind.

  10. Undecided Decision 19 December 2011 at 1:19 am Permalink

    I started reading your blog about a week a go and it’s very interesting… so what would I have to expect if I came to study a year at Japan as a college student…. I’m kind of scared…. you know it’s one of those never been away from home type of things

    • Locohama 19 December 2011 at 1:50 am Permalink

      Life is what you make it, where ever you go. So you can expect to have the time of YOUR life! Thanks for reading!

      • Undecided Decision 19 December 2011 at 2:39 pm Permalink

        Thanks for the advice Loco.. BTW can you recommend your best works?? I love the 1 about the middle aged teacher in pink and several others

        • Locohama 20 December 2011 at 2:11 am Permalink

          Check the sidebar…I have a link to some recommended posts (-;


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