Can y’all get funky?
Man, Planet Rock brings tears to my eyes. Cyo– natsukashiiii! Anyway, if that don’t get you ready to party you gotta be half-dead.
And, like Africa Bambatta and the Zulu Nation told you, “we gotta rock it, don’t stop it, we gotta rock it, don’t stop!”
And, we ain’t about to. Cuz it’s time for…
Next up is a lady…damn, how shall I introduce her? Ok, let me put it this way. She’s a stone hottie, a shotgun bride to a Nihonjin beau (thus a mother), an entrepreneur, a sister to a “dog fucking” psycho, and a daughter-in-law to a scrappy old crone who lives in shouting range and rivals in sass and charm our own beloved Mrs. Betty.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: So what! Your basic MILF with Atitude, right?
Well, yeah, and no!
Corinne is much more than that. This Aussie can weave a story raw as crocodile sushi about jackshit and leave you panting for seconds! Not an easy task, trust! If you don’t believe me you don’t read blogs. Her blog rarely fails to leave me in awe and envy of her talent. She’s hardcore, for sure, but with a head and a heart just where they need to be!
Straight up, she was coasting well under my radar until the Badboy went ahead and launched the best thing to ever happen to the Japan blogosphere (namely the site “Raw Like Sushi”) which introduced her and a number of other bloggers I hadn’t taken notice of that are out there cranking out witty and awesome posts on the regular.
(Big Shout out to the Bad Boy in Japan!! )
”Always Leaving Things Unfinishe…” is more than a jewel, it’s a treasure!
So, without further ado, Corinne? Loco’s wheels of steel are all yours!
1-What’s the Loco-est (craziest) thing you’ve ever seen or done in Japan?
Wow, this is a hard one to answer. Japan has a stereotype of being full of weird and wonderful bizarre shit, and I’d say that stereotype is pretty spot on. Well, from a foreigner’s view anyway. I’ve had lots of crazy alcohol-fuelled nights that ended in bizarre and sometimes scary situations: Sitting naked in a bar with an equally naked buddy and even more naked bar tender after playing that Pirate barrel game, Having a man track me down and say he wanted to lock me in his basement after visiting a S&M bar, waking up on park benches not knowing how I got there, Ending up in bed with my friend and a gay guy and giving my friend a blow job just because he wanted to prove to the gay guy he wasn’t into boys… Dear God the list goes on and on… But one of the most interesting events would have to be, the sex show I went to in the dingy backstreets of Osaka.
I was quite disappointed with the lack of commercial strip clubs in Japan when I first got here, maybe if the sexualisation was more in the open there wouldn’t be so many guys wanking over people on the train or pointing cameras up school-girls skirts, but my drinking buddy and I had heard around the pervy circles we were known to hang in that there was a ‘sex show’ in Osaka. Now I had no idea what a ‘sex show’ would involve, girls stripping? Live sex on stage? Dancing? Costumes? Titty groping for 200 yen a pop? Yes. All of those and more.
We knew the station name of the place but not much else, it was more of an underground place, no big flashy advertisements bringing in the desperate masses. It was clear that we were going to have to ask the right looking people (i.e. Perverted looking people who wouldn’t slap us in disgust) for directions and wing it. Despite it being late on Saturday night I remember the majority of the people we came across looking way too normal to ask in bad Japanese if they knew where the sex show was at, we almost resorted to asking the conbini staff because they couldn’t judge due to us being customers but when we spied some construction worker guys sucking on cigarettes we saw our chance and grabbed it. Well, I say grabbed it, we both didn’t have the balls so had to janken for which one of us would do it. My reasoning was it was much better coming from a guy, but my friend argued my Japanese was much better than his. I won the janken and solved the problem by telling him exactly what to say in Japanese and I’d even sweeten the deal by going and getting us conbini beers while the deed was being done. He gave me a glance that said ‘you just don’t want the embarrassment,’ but shut his trap at the thought of a beer at the end of the traumatic direction mission. I scurried off to the conbini not wanting to be seen with him while he did the walk of shame and got our beers, I took my time, looking at random stuff in the conbini so I wouldn’t have to join him but he came inside before I got the chance to see whether he was done asking. He had a wide smile and a map scrawled on his hand. Success!
So we started walking the way the construction dudes had told him to go, beers in hands and a new excitement at the mystical wonders that may await us at a sex show. As we were turning down a street with no street lights we heard a “Hello! How are you??” We swiveled around and found a small Japanese man with salt and pepper grey hair and glasses peering at us. Our beers and sex show chattiness had made us totally oblivious to anyone behind us and we got a shock when the guy started chatting to us in pretty decent English. He was a professor and had lived in England for a few years. He asked us the usual questions of where we were from and was on his way after giving us each a business card to hang on to. After the random meeting we kept going and finally came to a small entrance way with blue lights and the words “SEX SHOW” in English on a small sign above the entranceway. We went inside to find a very love hotel-like setting, dimly lit, low counter to avoid embarrassment, which can be annoying if you’re speaking another language, because facial expression and gestures mean a lot when you’re struggling! We finally paid our \2000 entrance fee with not a clue what we were paying for but were led upstairs to a deceivingly large auditorium with loads of seats in darkness and a brightly lit circular rotating stage with a naked woman bending in positions I didn’t think were humanly possible, she was like a Japanese gumby!
After bendy woman had finished showing us what she had for breakfast from various angles, the stage went dim and the next act began, it was totally and utterly bizarre, but what do you expect at a sex show in Japan? About 10 girls all took the stage in sailor moon type costumes and did dance routines to horrible cheesy music, just personally I think this is a waste of good sex show time, they didn’t even get their kit off, just pranced around the stage making that horrible “cute” (and I use the term loosely) pose with their fingers contorted in to the peace sign and placed strategically so as to portray a slightly childish girl. Since there was clearly no sexiness happening we took this chance to check out our surroundings, the room was dark but we could see a handful of guys, mostly alone sitting watching intently. I was the only girl of course but seeing as though everyone was concentrating they hadn’t noticed me or my foreignness. Yet.
As I scanned the audience to see what type of guy frequented an establishment like this, I did a double take at the salt and pepper grey hair, but sure enough, our English speaking professor was there too!
After the dancing girls were finished the whole room lit up which made me sink down in to my chair but it was hopeless, my dark-skinned friend and my intense whiteness were being scrutinized by all the pervy eyes in the room. I started to sweat despite the air-conditioning and wished I’d had more beer to numb the embarrassment. As I was waiting for something to happen and giggling uncontrollably in nervousness slinky Japanese girls in skimpy school girl mini-skirts and tight, white blouses with one button done up started skipping through the auditorium. It was then announced that for 200\ one of these girls would come and rub her tits in your face. I thought this was pretty cheap and encouraged my friend to go for it, I’d even shout him but he too was feeling the pressure of being stared at and decided we’d sit this one out and just watch. Those up for a titty rub were led off to another room and an intermission of sorts was to follow, the English professor looked awkward and we gave him a slight nod and he said in a somewhat meek voice, “Ohh, you’re here too…” We decided to let him off the hook and skip out for more booze, a quick conbini trip led to a bottle of vodka that was swigged between us in a space of about 15 minutes and then we were back in our seats.
Next was naked lesbian love. Two girls on the revolving stage kissing and touching each other, Nothing that porno-ish but you know, it was getting there. I kept asking my mate if he had a hard on but he said the vodka and my constant inquiries were killing the mood so I peered around to see if I could catch anyone wanking, but fair play to them if they were, I mean better here than on some woman having a snooze on the train eh. The lesbian act was very arty, with spotlights and slow movements, if it was in an art gallery it could almost be called art. They finished with some dildo action and then left the stage hand-in-hand. I wondered, were they really lesbians?? Did they like their job?? Did they get paid a lot?? How did they end up here?? Did their families know what they did?? One of the girls had a C-section scar and I also wondered how many of these girls had kids, were they just trying to make a buck like the rest of us??
The final act involved all the girls coming out on stage in various costumes and levels of nakedness and the chance to take a photo was announced. The vodka had kicked in so my mate and I decided to go for the photo. Our girl’s name was Hiromi and she was wearing lingerie but offered to take it off for us to which we assured her she was beautiful just the way she was, so she opened her legs and put one over each of us and did a big “CHEESE!!!!” as another girl with no top on snapped a Polaroid for us, 300\ and some chatting later, we left the auditorium to the downstairs bar area where girls were chatting to the men and encouraging them in to the back room for some private action. We wanted to avoid a sales pitch so darted out quickly in to the night air. Still clutching our picture with Hiromi and her amazing leg span, I think I actually did have a thought through the haze of vodka and humidity that this was just another Saturday night in Japan. And on to the next bar we went.
2-Why do you (did you) blog about life in Japan?
As anyone who knows me will attest to, (Although I hide it pretty well these days) technology and I don’t make a good couple, I’m very resistant to change and new gizmos are no exception. If someone shows me how to use them I’m fine but I’m quite slow on the uptake. I never really knew what a blog was (hell I didn’t have a computer my first 3 years in Japan! What the hell did I do with my time, no kid…no computer…!?) until I worked at a Junior High School as an ALT and anyone who has done this knows how much free time you get. It’s free time but it’s always best to look busy, so internet is the best option. I stumbled upon Green Eyed Geisha’s blog and was hooked. Such good writing and things I could really relate to. I didn’t even think about commenting or writing my own blog, but after I got pregnant I was thrust in to the underground world of gaijin wives. Women that I assumed didn’t exist seemed to come out of the woodwork from every direction, a lot of them have blogs and it totally blew my theory out of the water that hardly any foreign women marry Japanese guys. I started reading people I actually knew and then people I didn’t and after a while I wanted to comment, and thought, meh, why not!? I had images of being an amazing housewife and mother when I first started blogging, therefore making my early posts incredibly dull. But as time went on, it was clear I couldn’t suppress the foul-mouthed darker side of me and started writing about things I actually found interesting. I love blogging, it not only keeps my brain working and is a good stress reliever, it takes me back to one of the only things I was ever any good at at school, creative writing.
3-Does the Japan experience change when you marry a Japanese guy and pop out a haafu?
Yeah, it really does. I no longer have an excuse to do stupid things. (See question 1) I still go out but the outings are 10 times tamer and not half as fun or crazy. I miss single life in Japan, it’s like being on holiday 365 days a year, but I maybe I just got married way too young.
Not saying married life in Japan is all bad, you can get away with being a crappy housewife and blame it on ‘culture.’ I can do something wrong at Ash’s school and the teachers just put it down to the fact I couldn’t read the information. (When they are mistaken, I could read it, I’m just really dumb!) Plus life isn’t as tiring, well, it is, but not in a ‘I think I’m going to puke from all that vodka’ way.
As for having kids, well I think that’s hard in any country and with anyone, but it is kind of funny? Nice? when you get random people gushing over your kid. I think having kids in Japan probably gets harder the older they get when you have to deal with school politics and stuff, we’ll see anyway!
What I tell y’all? Gifted, right? And once you peep her blog (and tell her Loco sent you) you’ll be thanking me in your prayers at night (-;
@Corinne: Thank you so much for taking time out of your hectic life to come hook-off on my readers! Loco in Yokohama is in your debt!
@Readers: Go show Corinne some much deserved love over at her spot: Always Leaving Things Unfinishe…
And, please don’t forget to keep Praying for Japan! People are still struggling and suffering!
If you haven’t gotten your copy of Quakebook 2:46 yet, well, it ain’t just gonna materialize on your Kindle! See that big ass link on my sidebar? Use it! And spread the word. A paper version, as well as a Japanese version, are coming soon!
This party WILL continue…
Who is this guy, Loco, anyway? Click here!
PS: Click on the links below to catch the previous guest DJs!