07 July 2011 ~ 23 Comments

Back To Life Blog Party #11 : Why Isn’t Biggie Smiling?



Rain outside. Room is packed, party in full swing, the air heavy with perfume and sweat. Look over there, Saboten Girl ruling over her crew of cats like a real queen, her laughter high and hands gesturing like butterflies in the air, big golden earrings sparkling in the light. Corinne is here too, teaching BadBoy how to pronounce cunt. With that Aussie accent of hers she can make everything sound sexy; no wonder BadBoy trying is to get into her pants – hard. Talking of which… is that Kei? There, smooching with that oppa? Oh yeah, that’s her alright. Got a futon in the room upstairs if you want to, lovebirds, or else the one-and-only Green Eyed Geisha will write something wittingly snarky about you on her blog tomorrow. Dance, dance, dance.

Verity, late as always, comes in, pretty with her long hair. She is new in town and doesn’t know most of the people, so, shy as she is moves over to Loco, who is just flipping a vinyl on the turntable. Over the music they chat a bit before she asks: “yo Loco, who’s that guy over there?” “Huh, what guy?” “The tall one, standing in the corner.” she says, pointing a finger.

“Ah”, Loco says, “that’s Biggie”.

“Oh, so that’s him! He said he wanted to talk to me about something, I wonder what it is. But… Loco, this is a party and all…. why isn’t he smiling?”

Why do you blog about Japan?

I don’t. What? No, really, Loco. Look, here’s the deal: last weekend – I had been lazy and not shaved for a couple of days – in the mirror, in what used to be a very reddish beard, all of a sudden a streak of grey. And I kinda liked it. Because, well, I sort of found peace with who I am now, where I am now, now that I finally have my act somewhat together again. But it also made me realize that I have been here fourteen years, the better part of my adulthood spent in a countryside town in Kyushu. Already fourteen-fucking-years-in-Japan! So, the gold and sparkle, the marvel and wonder, has worn off long ago. There of course still is a bit of lovin’ and a bit of hatin’ and a bit of bitchin’, but I don’t get off on a kimono or tea-ceremony no more.

A couple of years ago, 2008 to be precise, something went horribly astray around me, in my life. And I ended up in what well could have been a chapter taken out of Orwell’s 1984, full of Newspeak, twisted realities, raped truths. And I lost everything. Materially, but also more important things. Pride. Joy. When I looked in the mirror, my eyes were dead. I fell hard, and was purged accordingly from the petty society I had belonged to for so long.

There is this saying in Japanese: deru kui wa utareru, “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down”. Well, I wasn’t exactly asking to stick out, but I got me a good beating regardless. The ship was burning, rats were running. This country is not very fond of anything that is perceived as a disgrace, disturbance, or disagreeable to the eye, and my fifteen minutes of fame were rather surreal. But I still made a point not to leave town. I hadn’t done anything wrong, I wasn’t going anywhere. To fight this wave of hatred took a lot of energy, though. I put myself into cold shutdown. I lost the ability to laugh, the ability to speak.

The System takes it time, grinding relentlessly but slowly. Yet, two years later most of the mess had been sorted out, and I thought I had made enough of a statement. The only thing – or should I say person – that had still tied me down to the place, was by now gone too. Fake – yes, I am a fool, lesson learned. So I packed the bags, and moved up north, close to Tokyo.

I had seen things few will see in their lifetime, but by now the bad dreams, waking me up at night, had become much less frequent, and I felt it was time to start laughing again, speaking again. What frustrated me enormously though, was that my voice – the Truth never had been out there. So I had this vague idea, that someday I would try to write something down. And I started looking for a forum for that, being a very digitally-illiterate person. The result is my blog BiggerInJapan, where I am experimenting a bit with the format, basically warming up. And this is where I soon will put down my short story, “The Plane”. It’s almost ready. It is very cryptic; we are sitting on some tapes and the Rats are still watching, and some people need to be protected from further harm. But the emotions I experienced – the fear, anger, resentment, failure, shame, loss – those I want to be raw like sushi and honest to the bone. We’ll see. Writing it made me relive some things, but also gave me closure. Probably I’ll down a bottle of something before mustering the courage to push the publish button, and then cry me a few crocodile tears while y’all are laughing your ass off. Which is fine. Don’t you know: clowns are good people.

wow, Biggie, this heavy stuff is not, uh, what this party is all about. Err, what is the loco-est thing you have ever seen or done in Japan?

Yeah, yeah, Loco, gotcha. I’ll try to be a bit more, ahem, fun. So… you guys wanna hear about sex in Japan, right? Sex always sells. But… I don’t know. It is so all over the place, so easily available, like you have a McDonalds, a Starbucks and then some sex at every corner, it’s almost not sexy anymore. Ah, but there is this one time I still vividly recall though. I was walking deep in the night through a quiet, residential area of Tokyo’s Meguro ward, when all of a sudden I saw this young woman standing in front of her dark window. Naked, touching herself, watching me, clearly wanting for someone to watch her. I guess Tokyo can be a lonely place, making people do funky stuff sometimes.

Or no, maybe you want to talk about violence? You gotta appreciate I am really trying hard to please you. Japan is supposed to be such a safe country, eh? Oh, I’ve got some stories for ya… thanks to my god-given talent to be in the wrong places at the wrong times. Wish I was better at just walking away. But I can tell you those scrawny chimpira dudes regretted tangoing with me. Or how I KO’d a wanted yakuza and got a friggin’ police reward for it, AND a box of cookies. And so did a dog (well, not the cookies)! Hmm, Gaijin And The Dog – nice title for a small post, or maybe the next commercial in that Softbank series. Hey Loco, you can have the suave black guy part, while I play the cute dog. Whatya say, man, are we finally going to whore ourselves out and cash in on our otherness?


Instead, I will tell you something more loco-ish.

 I l-ed.

Dare I say it? The L-word? When Lucifer is watching, ready to lick me with his flames? Is Biggie going all sissy now? Who talks about L. these days now anyway? That’s so passé.

Crimson dark, burning L. Going loco for L.

I thought I had forgotten how to, or maybe purposely took a break. But L. may prove me wrong. A mind twisting around a mind. A body longing for a body. A soul screaming for a soul. Am I scared of L.? Yes. Will I take the plunge? Yes.

Verity, why are you looking at me like that? Do I make you uncomfortable?

oh fuck, Biggie, are you telling me that… come on now, I mean, are you sure??

Watch me.


Biggie has left the room…Lord knows why. I miss the guy already, though. Don’t you?

Anyway, before he gets back, I got a couple of things I wanna say.

First off: ALL of the above came from the mind of the maestro behind the blog, Bigger in Japan. You can catch his tweets here

One other thing.

@Readers: Over the course of this series, I (and via Loco, you guys) have been blessed with some of the finest minds and talents the Japan blogosphere has to offer, and there are more to come! I’m really overwhelmed by the turnout and the quality of these posts. Thank you for reading and do yourselves a favor and peep his work when you get a chance. You’ll thank me!

Where the hell is he? Oh well…Verity, watch your back! (-;

@Biggie: Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for blessing Loco in Yokohama with your gifts! I feel you, bruh. Totally! And I’m sure my readers do, as well. BTW I love that song and video!!!

This party WILL continue…


Who is Loco?

PS: Click on the links below to jam with the previous guest DJs!

Blog Party #1: Saboten Girl

Blog Party #2: Wakarahen

Blog Party #3: Bad Boy!

Blog Party #4: Verity

Blog Party #5: Green Eyed Geisha

Blog Party #6: Caroline Josephine

Blog Party #7: Corinne

Blog Party #8: Rubi

Blog Party #9: Mima

Blog Party #10: Orchid


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23 Responses to “Back To Life Blog Party #11 : Why Isn’t Biggie Smiling?”

  1. Chris B 7 July 2011 at 10:26 pm Permalink

    “I had seen things few will see in their lifetime, but by now the bad dreams,”

    I fear quiet the most. The moments b4 I sleep or taking a shower is when my mind ambushes me and I avoid mirrors. I am waiting for your recounting of what surely shaped you more than anything in your life. Seeing just how superficial and hypocritical almost everyone is is rage inducing…

    Great Post! My fave in this series 🙂

  2. Biggie 7 July 2011 at 11:14 pm Permalink

    you, Badboy, in your own wicked ways, are a source of great inspiration to me, and many others without doubt. I made a promise to you and Saboten Girl quite a while ago – I have not forgotten. For what its worth, “The Plane” is now ready, Part One will be uploaded one of these days. Hope you’ll be around (know you will, you always are).

  3. Biggie 7 July 2011 at 11:38 pm Permalink

    a Big Thank You to dai-sempai Loco, for hosting me. I confessed to him that I was intellectually intimidated by all the great posts before me, but he invited me to his party anyway, and I’m glad he did. I may not have been smiling, but I still thoroughly enjoyed myself. But now you’ll have to excuse me, for I…

  4. Verity 8 July 2011 at 12:00 am Permalink

    “I thought I had forgotten how to, or maybe purposely took a break. But L. may prove me wrong. A mind twisting around a mind. A body longing for a body. A soul screaming for a soul. Am I scared of L.? Yes. Will I take the plunge? Yes.”

    Love is more than a plunge I think, it’s a surrender, and bad love is a drug. It’ll make you hallucinate and have you happily jumping off a cliff, believing you’re about to land in a feather-bed until the pain of broken bones makes you realize you’ve shattered to pieces on jagged rocks.

    You *are* loco 😉

    Looking forward to reading your book chapters.

    • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 12:20 am Permalink

      and that coming from such a fiiine Lady! But wait, hey, wasn’t *I* supposed to teach *you* about L.? Remember? 😉

      • Verity 8 July 2011 at 1:06 am Permalink

        Well, since I’ve been reading your blog, you already have.

  5. L 8 July 2011 at 12:17 am Permalink

    My love, my peanuts, my bear…..I am you honey…..I love you….. you have given me something I never knew existed, and you will be in my heart forever…..

    Yours truly,

    • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 12:27 am Permalink

      uh oh… I wonder who this is?;-) Calling Biggie “peanuts” of all things??

      “Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best — ” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”

      • Locohama 8 July 2011 at 12:42 am Permalink

        This is starting to sound like a convo better held via SKYPE! Or better yet in person. (-;

        • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 12:46 am Permalink

          ah, do I make *you* uncomfortable now? 😉

          • Locohama 8 July 2011 at 12:59 am Permalink

            Nah…just nauseous. Had one too many chu-his to read about Pooh bears and honey on my blog. Take that mushy shit offline!! (-;

  6. Saboten 8 July 2011 at 1:30 am Permalink

    Haha, take that shit offline! I like the way this party’s going. Whether Biggie tells us exactly what happened or not, it doesn’t matter, it’s just a McGuffin. The important parts are everything else.

    • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 8:34 am Permalink

      some more dancing, and then free honey for everyone! Well, except for Loco, his cavities are hurting from all the sugar. 😉

      • Locohama 8 July 2011 at 8:53 am Permalink

        ok ok I feel better this morning. Had my Starbucks and I cam handle a little honey. 

  7. L 8 July 2011 at 4:18 am Permalink

    well loco, someday you too will turn into soft bear….just wait….

  8. Eddie 8 July 2011 at 4:08 am Permalink

    I remember when I would visit this blog every night before I went to sleep, occasionally posting comments. Then the responsibilities of being an adult kicked in and it seemed like I didn’t have time to do anything or enjoy much. Once I got better at balancing things I returned back to this site, and man was it a wise decision. 

    • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 5:16 pm Permalink

      the House is Loco, where content rules!

  9. Corinne 8 July 2011 at 3:56 pm Permalink

    Well, the party wouldn’t be complete if Biggie wasn’t in the house! Again, I have to stop withg the trying-to-be-cool slang and stick to what I’m good at- cunt…

    Cunting marvelous mate!

    • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 5:15 pm Permalink

      now stop cunting, err, flattering me, matinne!

  10. Will 8 July 2011 at 4:02 pm Permalink

    What the…? First attempt appears not to have gotten through for some reason…must be the mood. Is that DJ really talking about perfume, sweat, queens and ‘khunts’ (or is it ‘khants’)? I’m not even there, but I’d been standing around outside, enjoying listening to some sly music. The beat…felt that from afar…but now the tune has changed. Could’a sworn someone just passed by in the shadows out here…now it sounds like the tempo has slowed down a bit. Can barely make it out, “Precious dreaming hours….that hunger.” Damn glad to be standing out in the rain…because that’s all that’s running down my cheeks. Whatever that guy she is singing about decides to do, I sure wouldn’t call him crude.

    • Biggie 8 July 2011 at 9:04 pm Permalink

      THIS. Goddammit Will, YOU are seeing it. Who are you??

      • Will 11 July 2011 at 2:59 pm Permalink

        Bigg: Thanks to the DJ for putting all of this, the party, together. The “who are you” will get put out there a bit at a time. First, there are a number of technical issues to be overcome for this “blog” medium to get sorted out before I’m going to feel comfortable stretching more canvass.

        Kind of got limited resources (energy) at the moment.

        For the time being, I’m all nerves watching what’s going on over at your place.

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