Loco in Yokohama

When I was about 10 years old, and a student at a private school (I’ve touched on the nature of the school I attended several times in past posts) we had a protocol for answering questions. The teacher would pose a question like, “What is the product of 5 and 5?” (Yeah, they would word the question funny to try and trip you up…) The student with the answer would raise his hand. The teacher would call on the student, and that student would then, according to the protocol, hop up from his seat, stand at attention, and…say: “Hapa (here, in Swahili) I appreciate what’s been said, and if I understand correctly, the product is 25.”

Yeah, it was a mouthful for a 10 year old.

Here in a Japanese JHS, there’s a protocol, too.

The teacher’s office here is considered holy ground. At least the teachers feel so, and would like the students to respect that notion. So, there is a protocol students must follow in order to enter or speak with a teacher. A humbling one, of course. And depending on the anal retentiveness or slackness of the teachers there, does this sanctity depend. For example, at one of my schools, if a student comes to the office to speak with a teacher he must follow, “to a T”, the following protocol: They must first knock, then beg forgiveness for having disturbed the honorable teachers within. Then announce themselves by name, year and class. Then, even if the teacher they want to speak with is standing before them or is in clear view, they must ask whether or not that teacher is currently in the office. And then they must wait for an official response.

It sounds something like this: (knock knock!) Shitsurei Shimasu (Please forgive my intrusion / rudeness). Ichi nen, ni kumi no Kawasaki Hideki desu kedo. (but, I am Hideki Kawasaki of the 1st year 2nd class,) Takahashi Sensei Irrashaimasuka? (inquiring after Takahashi sensei. Might she be in this exalted space?)

Some teacher would bark in response: “Inai! ” (Nah, so get lost!) or “Imasen!” (I’m afraid not…) Or, if the teacher were there they’d go to the door to speak with the student. Once their business is completed, the student would then take their leave but not before saying, “Shitsurei shimashita!” (Sorry to have disturbed you!)

This is a mouthful for Japanese students, as well. So, until they get it right, at one school, the teacher will stand at the door with the student having them repeat it over and over. This is usually done to the 1st year students to establish who’s running the show around here.

By the time the kids are 3rd year students, the protocol is rote and they’ve injected their own personalities into the protocol. They might replace “Irrashaimasuka?” with the less formal “Imasu ka” or even with the informal “inai no?” if they’re one of the knuckleheads / wiseguys. But every student goes through some variation this protocol…or else!

In the 10 minute break between classes, the kids usually horse around, read manga, play cards (sometimes trump cards, sometimes Konami Yogioh cards or some other brand) or just stand around the old fashioned-looking kerosene stove heater in the classroom trying to stay warm (there’s no central heating in Junior High Schools) like it’s a camp fire. Sometimes the girls even sing songs.However, there are two students from every class whose responsibility it is to come to the teacher’s office and aid the teacher of the next class with whatever supplies they may have to tote. We often use a boom box, so the two students would carry the teacher’s bag with our lesson materials in it and the boom box up to the classroom (I think this duty rotates but it always seems to be the same students to me).

I guess this duty must have rotated around to Matsui-kun and Satou-kun.

I was sitting at my desk trying to not look like I was writing a book, when the sliding door to the office slammed open with the racket of a iron security gate on a Bodega in Brooklyn, followed by a high-pitched voice at the highest possible volume, screaming: “SHITSUREI SHIMASU!” filled the office.

Some teachers actually jumped out of their seats like a gun had gone off, while others whiplashed their necks turning for the door. I was accustomed to this yelling, and so were the other 1st year teachers sitting over in their section near the door, my beleaguered co-worker, Takahashi-sensei among them. But, the other teachers were totally alarmed. Which tickled Matsui senseless. He started laughing in the doorway.

When he noticed me he screamed, walking into the office, “OI! LOCO SENSEI, BABAA UZAI DESHOU? HA HA HA!!!” (Yo, Loco Sensei! Takahashi is an annoying bitch isn’t she?) This has become his greeting…this or some other insult of Takahashi. I’d made the mistake of laughing once at a joke he made one day in the hall. So, now, whenever he sees me, he lets them fly. “BABAA HA DOKO? INAI NO?” (Where is that bitch, anyway? Aint she here?) Then he turned where he knew she was sitting and said. “BETSU NI, MITSUKECHATTA! (Nevermind, I found her!) KORA, TEME ISOGE!” Listen here, hurry the fuck up!”

I can’t tell you how much of an aberration this is from the norm. He might as well had pulled a Columbine and started spraying the faculty with an automatic weapon.

The teachers were sitting around in various stages of shock. At the head of the office, the principal and Vice principal were witnesses, too. The principal came from behind the front desk and all heads turned.

This was to be a moment.

He walked towards Matsui, carrying his girth like an ex-jock, his authority gathered all up around his chest and shoulders. Matsui turned and saw the principal approaching him. I almost thought I saw something in his eyes that might have been intimidation, but it was only there for a micro-second, and I think it had more to do with the principal’s height (he’s actually taller than me, at about 185 cm) than any threat he actually posed.

Joker and Bob the Goon

“Daijoubu???” (Are you ok?) The principal asked, in a way that conveyed the question, ‘what’s your problem??’ or ‘Are you outta your mind?’

“Daiiiijoubu da yo ne!”  Matsui responded with a tone that said flat out,”I don’t have problems, Mr. Man- I MAKE problems! You looking for problems? You came to the right place!

All of this as Satou-kun came creeping into the scene, sidling up beside him, like a shadow taking form. It was as if he’d sensed the tension brewing and decided, seemingly independently, that if something was going to go down  he wasn’t going to let anything happen to Matsui. It would be someone else’s misfortune.

He’d make a great secret service agent…if Matsui were Prime Minister.

The principal suddenly noticed the arrival of Satou-kun next to Matsui, looking evil, and took an unconscious step backwards. He really didn’t know what to make of this furtive maneuver.

But, I did. In NY we’d call that gangster. Straight Gangster.

Reminded me of  Joker and Bob the Goon in the first Batman movie. Joker was a crazy, ruthless, genius, but Bob the Goon got shit done, and was ever-ready to bust a cap in someone’s ass. Joker didn’t even have to reach for his gun, and in one scene in the movie he had actually been unprepared for an assault; but Bob the Goon…he never slept. I’d always wondered what Yakuza Cats might have been like in Junior High School.

Now I know…

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U70p8VHxWZM&feature=related

Takahashi was standing there like she had been hoping and praying that the principal would do something on her behalf, maybe expel the boy, or at least scold him for blatantly disregarding the protocol in the office; something no other student in the school, other than the mentally challenged cases in the Special Class, has done. Something which if not aggressively discouraged could certainly undermine discipline and bring chaos.

But, he didn’t.

The principal turned to Takahashi, and, without words or even body language, conveyed the message, ‘You heard him: get a move on, Missy! Get this little menace outta my office. Can’t you see he’s embarrassing me in front of my staff?!’

It was all in his eyes.

Then, as if to amplify the sound in the principal’s eyes, Matsui yelled. “ISOGE BABAA!” (Move your ass, bitch!) 

Mission accomplished, Matsui headed for the door. At that door, he spun around on his heels, scanned the room like he’d forgotten something, smiled and screamed, “SHITSUREI SHIMASHITA!!!”

And he left. Satou-kun slowly followed him out, covering his rear. His eyes cut from teacher to teacher to administrator, almost hoping for someone to try to play the hero .

He never said a word.

Loco

Who is this guy, Loco, anyway? Click here!

PS: This is a re-post!