Loco in Yokohama

Readers of Loco in Yokohama may recall the game I created a couple of years ago called Iiwake.

The rules were pretty straight forward…simple even. The player must come up with an excuse (Iiwake is Japanese for excuse) for the bizarre behavior of the people in their vicinity and, based on the excuse’s creativity and humor (if possible), points were rewarded. The point system went a little something like this:

Give yourself 20 points if you make yourself laugh (reduced to 15 points if you laugh out loud), 10 points for merely creative Iiwake, 5 points for mediocre, -10 points if you fail to come up with an Iiwake and -50 points if you even think a negative thought about your fellow Japanese-flavored human beings.

As I mentioned at the time, my high score was 175 (hurrah, it was a banner day in Yokohama) and my low? Well, it was too embarrassing to mention.

I’d explained I created the game  for three reasons:

1- To address my growing suspicion that I was becoming paranoid, thinking that everything going on around me was somehow being caused by me or was as a direct result of my presence. To get out of my head, as it were (never a bad thing), and try to see life through another’s eyes, so to speak.

2- To gather ammo in my ongoing internal war against the part of me that finds most Japanese people  unconscionable cowards thus repulsive. Because, if that side of me was to win I would be forced to leave this land that I have grown to adore with a bitter resentment. And,

3- Simply for entertainment. If I could laugh at them or at myself then I would feel so much better. I’m a firm believer in the maxim one must never, ever, lose one’s sense of humor. Never!

If I could find other reasons and/or rationalizations for their behavior, something that paranoia had blinded me to, then I’d score points and so would they.

It’s a Win-Win kind of game.

(Longtime readers of my blog, and of course those who purchased my book, Hi! My Name is Loco and I’m a Racist, — see chapter 10 — know how this game played out.)

Well, the other day, following a rather terse conversation with a high-level private student who’d read (and loved) my book, I was finally inspired to upgrade the game. Thus the birth of Super Iiwake.

And, as before, this is not for the faint of heart! And, parental guidance is suggested

This conversation – which took place in a cafe in Yokohama, as per usual — went a little something like this:

Me: …so you enjoyed the book?

Student: Oh Yeah! I loved it…you have an interesting style. I couldn’t stop reading. And you have really lived a fascinating life!

Me: Some of it, yeah, I guess.

Student: I think you misunderstand something about Japanese people, though.

Me: Well, set me straight…I’ll put it in my next book. Life is a learning process, you know?

Student: Sou da ne. Well, it’s about the, eeto, the empty seat…

Me: Uh huh…

Student: Do you think that Japanese don’t sit next to you because we are racists?

Me: I  don’t think there’s only one reason. And I don’t know every individual’s reason… From my Japanese friends and people I’ve spoken to about it, I’ve gotten a number of excuses…I mean, reasons. So, in the book I focused more on my response to the seat, not so much the cause. You know?

Student: I can tell you the reason.

Me: You mean, there’s only one?

Student: … (pregnant 30 seconds of cogitation)

Me: So, what do you think the one reason is?

Student: I talked to my co-workers about this and they all say the same thing…

Me: What did they say?

Student: They are afraid that a foreigner might speak English to them and embarrass them.

Me: OK…

Student: It’s true!

Me: I’m sure it is.

Student: Then, why did you make that face?

Me: Sorry…I think I might have gas…

Student: …

Me: Seriously.

Student: You don’t think it’s a language issue?

Me: Sometimes, yeah, of course it is.

Student: …

Me:  Well, think of this way…let’s say you lived in Jamaica… And everywhere you went people avoided coming near you like you had a disease, and evaded you when possible like you were a dangerous animal…Don’t laugh, I’m serious! Not everyone, of course…but a significant portion,..let’s say a solid 50% of the strangers you encounter on a daily basis do it, to some extent. Some even run when they see you! So you ask your Jamaican friends or the students you’re teaching Japanese to…you ask them about this and they say, “oh don’t pay those people any mind. Jamaicans are just afraid of being embarrassed by people who don’t speak English or Patois. And since you’re Asian they assume you can’t speak either language. It’s nothing personal…”  What would you think?

Student: … (gives me the gas face)

To be continued…

PS Remember this classic?