The following is a couple of conversations that took place this morning. Part 1 takes place at the Starbuck’s drive-thru.
Starbucks Staff: Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order please?
Me: Sure. A grande size hot coffee to go please.
SS: Will that be all?
Me: Yes…and please give me 6 packs of sugar and six creams.
SS: Beg your pardon?
Me: (repeated slowly and deliberately) Six sugars…and six creams please.
SS: OK. Six sugars? And Six creams?
SS: OK. Please come to the pick up window.
(At the pick up window…two staff people smiling through concerned faces…)
SS: Six sugars? And Six creams?
SS: Do you always take so much sugar and cream?
SS: But, six?
(I muscle a smile onto my face, remembering the wise words of Joe Pesci )
(Finally they reluctantly release my coffee, sugar and cream)
Part 2: Arriving at work, I sit down at my desk and prepare to enjoy my morning fix. I notice one of my co-workers peeking over at me surreptitiously as, three packets at a time, I put the sugar into my coffee. The scrutiny made me want to go into another room and get my fix in seclusion, but time was tight and that caffeine and sugar were calling me.
Co-Worker: Eeeeeeee! Six sugars?
Me (forcing a smile): —
CW: That’s a lot of sugar, isn’t it?
Me:(continue smiling, hands shaking a little, focused on pouring the cream packets in the cup) —
CW: Japanese drink coffee black…or green tea. We don’t use sugar.
Me: Really? That’s nice.
CW: Sugar is unhealthy.
(I thought to say something derogatory about green tea but I couldn’t take my eyes off of my caffeine delivery system.)
Me: So I’ve heard.
CW: Do Americans always put so much sugar in their coffee?
Me: (muscle another smile onto my face) I can’t speak for all Americans, of course, but “I’m not satisfied til the spoon stands straight up!”*
CW + a chorus of several other co-workers: Eeeeeeeeee!
(I look around at all the bewildered / shocked / concerned / fascinated faces as I stir my elixir. Then I take that first sip and feel that instant rush of the most popular legal drugs in the world sweeping over me like a wave of euphoria and, for a few blissful moments, all is right on our planet.)
Me: (Holding up my grande sized cup and looking lovingly at it ) Ohhhhh Man…That’s that shit!
*Finally remembered to use one of my favorite lines from True Romance