25 September 2012 ~ 15 Comments

Conversations 2012 #3: The Best Legal Drugs in Japan


The following is a couple of conversations that took place this morning. Part 1 takes place at the Starbuck’s drive-thru.

Starbucks Staff: Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order please?

Me: Sure. A grande size hot coffee to go please.

SS: Will that be all?

Me: Yes…and please  give me 6 packs of sugar and six creams.

SS: Beg your pardon?

Me: (repeated slowly and deliberately) Six sugars…and six creams please.

SS: OK. Six sugars? And Six creams?

Me: Yes.

SS: OK. Please come to the pick up window.

(At the pick up window…two staff people smiling through concerned faces…)

SS: Six sugars? And Six creams?

Me: Yes.

SS: Do you always take so much sugar and cream?

Me: Sometimes.

SS: But, six?

(I muscle a smile onto my face, remembering the wise words of Joe Pesci )

Me: —

(Finally they reluctantly release my coffee, sugar and cream)

Part 2: Arriving at work, I sit down at my desk and prepare to enjoy my morning fix. I notice one of my co-workers peeking over at me surreptitiously as, three packets at a time, I put the sugar into my coffee. The scrutiny made me want to go into another room and get my fix in seclusion, but time was tight and that caffeine and sugar were calling me.

Co-Worker: Eeeeeeee! Six sugars?

Me (forcing a smile):

CW: That’s a lot of sugar, isn’t it?

Me:(continue smiling, hands shaking a little, focused on pouring the cream packets in the cup) —

CW: Japanese drink coffee black…or green tea. We don’t use sugar.

Me: Really? That’s nice.

CW: Sugar is unhealthy.

(I thought to say something derogatory about green tea but I couldn’t take my eyes off of my caffeine delivery system.)

Me: So I’ve heard.

CW: Do Americans always put so much sugar in their coffee?


Me: (muscle another smile onto my face) I can’t speak for all Americans, of course, but “I’m not satisfied til the spoon stands straight up!”*

CW + a chorus of several other co-workers: Eeeeeeeeee!

(I look around at all the bewildered / shocked / concerned / fascinated faces as I stir my elixir. Then I take that first sip and feel that instant rush of the most popular legal drugs in the world sweeping over me like a wave of euphoria and, for a few blissful moments, all is right on our planet.)

Me: (Holding up my grande sized cup and looking lovingly at it ) Ohhhhh Man…That’s that shit!


*Finally remembered to use one of my favorite lines from True Romance





Related Posts with Thumbnails

15 Responses to “Conversations 2012 #3: The Best Legal Drugs in Japan”

  1. Mandi Harris 25 September 2012 at 12:58 pm Permalink

    This entry made my day. It was hard not to laugh! I’ve been asked strange questions like that before. “Do all Americans put crackers in their soup?” was one my favorites.

    • Locohama 25 September 2012 at 4:54 pm Permalink

      Lol! Glad I could make your day Mandi (-:

  2. WH 25 September 2012 at 1:47 pm Permalink

    Oh man, that gave me a serious coffee craving. it IS a drug!

    • Locohama 25 September 2012 at 4:52 pm Permalink

      Better believe it!

  3. Cedric D 25 September 2012 at 9:14 pm Permalink

    “It’s not a drug if everyone does it”. Some knowledge I’ve acquired along the way 🙂

    • Locohama 25 September 2012 at 10:08 pm Permalink

      I guess nicotine is slowly making its way towards becoming an official drug. Damn!

  4. Ken 25 September 2012 at 9:45 pm Permalink

    Dude, that is a lot of cream and sugar and ANY country lol, but whatever works for you man!

    • Locohama 25 September 2012 at 10:07 pm Permalink

      You’re probably right…and ive been meaning to try and wean myself off both, but they keep calling me…lol. And back they’d probably keep it to themselves how “upsetting” it is for them to see something that is none of their big eyed business. But whatchagonnado

  5. boulet 25 September 2012 at 9:58 pm Permalink

    You’d think you poured two shots of whisky in front of them to get such a reaction!

    • Locohama 25 September 2012 at 10:02 pm Permalink

      Lol…or green tea. It gets the same reaction. Wow, Do Americans drink green tea?

  6. chris 25 September 2012 at 10:53 pm Permalink

    CW: Japanese drink coffee black…or green tea. We don’t use sugar.

    Me: Really? That’s nice.

    CW: Sugar is unhealthy.

    Man…that’s borderline backtalk…gettin fuckin lippy. Lucky your fix was right in front of you..I get annoyed reading that banter.

    Beating Coke was no probs but meth was…another story. I used to eat a Suzie Q, A hostess chocolate pudding pie with a liter of sweet black coffee…the cheap supermarket brand and guzzle it so I would feel so high my hands would shake so bad my shoulders and elbows would get sore…I fucking NEEDED that shit!!

    Coffee in prison is fucking gold …I mean fucking GOLD!! If you know someone who works in the chow hall and can get you 2nds or 3rds your …your days are of higher quality.

  7. Orchid64 26 September 2012 at 4:53 am Permalink

    These sorts of conversations always made me smile because this talk is the product of selective attention. The Japanese *do* consume less sweet food on the whole, but they also put sugar in a lot of things which we do not (like stews, savory sembei and crackers, etc.). Also, it’s not like there aren’t sweet snacks in Japan. The last thing I reviewed on my Japanese snack blog was brown sugar “bo” (sticks), which are a uniquely Japanese type of sweet with no equivalent in the U.S. The ingredients list starts with “brown sugar” followed by “sugar”. Keep in mind that ingredients are ordered according to volume so the first two components were types of sugar. Additionally, those pretty pressed powder sweets that go along with tea ceremony (rakugan/higashi)? Those are pretty much sugar with coloring and rice or soy flour (with a heavier emphasis on the sugar). You don’t need to put sugar in your green tea if you’re noshing on one of those!

    So, yeah, I guess they are more pious with their tea and coffee, but they aren’t exactly avoiding sugar in their lives. The Japanese even have their own form of handmade highly refined sugar called wasanbon (similar to powdered sugar, but, you know, better, I’m sure).

    If you really want to get them going though, mention that many Americans put butter on their rice! 😉

  8. Giant Panda 26 September 2012 at 8:44 am Permalink

    Do not go messing with J people’s rice! I introduced a select number of J-friends to “rice pudding”. Boy, that went down like a lead balloon! The could not contemplate or even tolerate the thought of rice in a sweet dessert! (even though that is exactly what they do with mochi – just rice in another form).

    Brings back memories of when I cooked pasta for my Japanese host family, and the highest praise that host dad could heap on it was “this is Japanese taste!”. I think that meant he liked it.

  9. ferret 27 September 2012 at 12:43 am Permalink

    Aussie humour: So, you like a few spoonfuls of coffee in your drink of sugar?

  10. kathryn 29 September 2012 at 1:37 pm Permalink

    6 sugars would have me gawking!

    When I go to Starbucks (which is only really when I’m in Japan), I cannot ask for a grande. I’ll point or ask for their biggest size but no freaken way am I using some stupid madeup word like “grande”.

%d bloggers like this: