26 November 2012 ~ 10 Comments

ピンク熟女の物語: The Tale of the MILF in Pink

Well, two weeks ago,  Yoshida-sensei, her mother in tow, entered the Principal’s office and didn’t emerge again for two hours. Actually it was more than two hours but I’d gone home after two hours of waiting for the explanation of this latest drama. It wasn’t until this week that I learned the result of that meeting: Yoshida had officially taken another leave of absence, until the end of February.

“What about her mother?” I asked. “Why was she here?”

“Beats me,” Akiyama said seated at her desk beside mine. “I guess to support her but it’s all so strange…”

A woman I had never seen before came through the office’s sliding door, damn near dancing on air, character-wise, and sang “Ohayou Gozaimasu,” to everyone watching or listening, doing a little curtsy before the Principal and vice Principal at the desk at the head of the office. “Ohayou Gozaimasu” she sang again at them. probably because they hadn’t responded the first time. They turned on her. The vice Principal replied, “Ohayou,” the Principal said “Uisssu”. As she continued towards Akiyama and I, I could see the pair of bosses following her with their eyes. Their smiles said, “what an interesting lady.”

Their eyes said, “we need to start drug testing teachers!”

Akiyama nudged me, and grinned sheepishly. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you…”

“Are you seriosu?!”

“What?” she said as this vision in pink walked ungracefully down the center aisle of the office, towards us. Facially, she wasn’t hard to look at, at all. Very attractive with a smile that revealed nice white teeth and a cute little yaeba (snaggletooth) poking out the side. She filled up her sweater, which is neither here nor there here in padded bra land but it looked good. However, as I worked my eyes downward I noticed she was pigeon toe’d and knock-kneed so she kinda inched forward with the gait of an invalid, or a half-wit who’d been told by her parents that her greatest value to a future husband is her virtue and that walking this way would enable her to keep her hymen intact.

She’s the substitute teacher?” I asked through my teeth because she was almost upon us.

“Ohayooooo Gozaimasuuuuuu!” Big smile….at me. Faux-high pitched grating voice, like Minnie Mouse soused and talking while brushing her teeth with a pink electric toothbrush.

I couldn’t even fake a return smile. I didn’t know what to make of this. Was she for real, or were there hidden cameras in the office recording this for one of those wacky Japanese comedy shows? Or were my co-workers pulling a wicked prank on me? That was a possibility cuz at a glance I could see most of them, knowing this was our first meeting, were either openly or secretly looking, eager to see my reaction.

My reaction to what, you ask? Well, my reaction to: the pink sweater with hearts on the pockets, and sleeves??? The pink blouse beneath it with the heart-shaped buttons, pinker than the shirt. The heart shaped purse, black with little pink hearts and a cellphone protruding from the top of it, pink with little pink doodads on it….shockingly pink lipstick, a necklace around her neck, a heart with a pink center. I felt my stomach twitch…She really wasn’t all that shocking…I told myself…not for Japan. She was actually a type, I call them the kawaii-sugiru gyaru (too cute girls) and if she were a good 15 to 20 years younger I wouldn’t have even given her a second look. But, she was jukujo (women of a certain age…usually late 30s early 40s and usually still very attractive IMHO- And if she has kids, some men in the US, myself included, might refer to as Mothers I’d like to Fondle (fuck)- MILF, for short. Among Japanese men, it’s synonymous with “wayyyy past her prime” and, if unmarried, a spinster…) Which makes Japan pretty much MILF Heaven!

But this pink business…

She must have caught my discombobulation and figured it meant I hadn’t understood her greeting, so she switched to English…or some facsimile there of.

“Good morning…you are Loco-sensei. I know. You are a big man…dekai! (big) and such handsome.” She smiled, confident in the success of the first impression she was making. She peeked over at Akiyama, sitting beside me nodding agreement while gagging on the laughter she’d swallowed. It swelled her eyes like welling tears.

Then, the MILF in pink stuck out her hand for a shake.

“I am Nakano…NA KA NO!” She said very carefully, leaning in closer.

“Nagano?” I replied, fucking with her. “Like the city…?”

She shook her head, no, slowly. “No, not Na GA no. Na KA no! Nakano desu!” and bowed like that was the end of the story and she’d made her point sufficiently. “HA JI ME MA SHI TE, YO RO SHI KU O NE GA I SHI MA SUUUUU!.”

Nakano-sensei’s pinkness was hard to look at…with a straight face. So, with some relief, I stood up and bowed to hide my face and echoed her words of introduction like someone who’d been introducing himself in Japanese for 8 years.

She registered shock!

“You are great Japanese speaker, I know!” she said. I had a feeling that she was going to keep saying ‘I know.’ In fact, I knew it. I mean, we all have our thing when we use a second language. Some of us have more than one thing. Mine are ’deshou?’ and ‘Sou desu ka’. These are my go-to words when I want to sound natural and native. Stick ‘deshou’ on the end of sentences sometimes just for the hell of it. Can’t follow the speaker well but don’t want to make them repeat it and fuck up the rhythm of the conversation? Stick a ‘Sou desu ka’ in there. It works very often, the way ‘right’ works in English.

But I have no idea where she got the idea ‘I know’ was a phrase that can be thrown into virtually any sentence.

Nor did I have any idea what these were doing on her desk:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I was afraid to ask…

***********

Once Nakano-sensei had gone to her homeroom to take attendance, and as the door slid closed behind her, I wheeled on Akiyama.

“What??” she gasped high-pitched and guiltily like I’d accused her of something.

“Where’s Betty-sensei?” I asked. “She’s not coming back?”

“Betty-sensei wa ne,” Akiyama began, crest fallen suddenly in that dramatic way of hers, scaring the holy shit out of me. “She’s decided to retire for good.”

I exhaled. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath. I miss Miss Betty. Miss her madly. More than ever now that I’d met her replacement.

We both sat there in silence for a moment, shuffling papers and acting like everything was normal.

Akiyama broke the silence first, saying, “She’s not so bad.”

“Who?” I said. “The jukujo in Pink?”

“That’s not nice…”Akiyama said after a discreet bout of the giggles. “She was married, you know. And has two daughters.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Does she raid their wardrobe?”

“Actually, it’s a popular trend among Japanese women her age,” she added, a little somberly.

I heard the stress on “her” and realized the cover-less manhole I was about to step in, and froze in place.

Akiyama, though she has yet to reveal her exact age to me, is most certainly in or desperately close to the same age bracket as Nakano. Way beyond youth but not out of the game, yet. Only she has no husband or kids, or any real prospects, either. She’s hinted at the resulting bouts of loneliness and dating frustrations she experiences a number of times over the course of the past year we’ve worked side by side. She’s no Looker, but knowing her as I do: her intelligence and charming personality, her wit and sass, her worldliness and common sense, I’d always respond to these hints with optimistic sentiments like, “You need to lower your bar a little. You spent too much time abroad, and now you’re too International for these locals here. You probably intimidate them.” She’d just nod and smile warmly, like she appreciated the support but I just didn’t get it.

But, I do get it. Japanese men…hell, most men around the world, are fixated on youth, and women of a certain age are always going to have to step it up a bit, if not to maintain their self-esteem, to attract and hold on to men.

“Bimajyo,” she said.

” Be what?”

“Bi-ma-jyo 美魔女,” she repeated. “That’s what the trend is called. There are whole magazines dedicated to it. It’s the beauty trend for jukujo…but don’t say jukujo. That’s not a good word.”

“Gomen ne…” I said, repentantly. “Bimajyo, huh? So, these women dress in pink like teens on acid because Japanese men are fixated on little girls?”

Though I’d said it in English, my voice had risen a bit, vexed as I was that my friend can’t find a man and may spend the rest of her days alone due to this mentality. Akiyama scanned the room quickly, as did I. A couple of heads turned and I made a mental note of whose for that meant that they might know a little more English than they let on. I’ve been there before. The other English teacher’s heads, two of which were male, however, had not turned at all.

Akiyama pressed a finger to her lips.

“Not only pink. Not only fashion. It’s a lifestyle! Sexy, glamorous, sophisticated, youthful…”

“And the cartoon voice?” And the curtsying; And, my god, that walk? And those things on her desk? That’s all part of this lifestyle???”

“Not all of it, but some of it, yeah,” she said, grinning again, only ironically this time. “We call it issyou kawaiiko 一生かわいい女.”

“Cute girl for life?”

“Yes,that’s right!” she said, beaming at my translation. “Cute forever!”

For the next three days, Nakano sensei, true to her trend, came to work 一生かわいい女’d up. She didn’t wear all pink everyday, but she always had a little something that drew attention to her efforts to be cute forever. Some kind of accessory that screamed, “Look at me!” A flaming pink leather belt. Or, a pink cashmere muffler with matching little pink mittens that coaxed me to look for those little clasp that children have on their gloves that attach them to their coats so that they don’t lose them.

If there’s an award for 一生かわいい女 of the year, I’m sure she’s gunning for it!

It wasn’t til Friday that we taught our first class together.

I arrived at the classroom just as the chime was coming to a close, trying to prolong this moment as long as possible. As I walked in, to my surprise, all the students were already seated, whispering amongst themselves and staring at Nakano sensei. I was accustomed to my entrance sucking all the attention. A gasp en masse of “Loco sensei!!!” is my general welcome and I must admit, though I used to process this as something students do that makes me feel like a special guest as opposed to just another member of the staff, I now look forward to it because I’ve come to interpret it as an indication of the joy they feel at having my class.

But, it wasn’t to be.

Turns out this was only this class’ second time having Nakano as a teacher and I figured they were still experiencing the same shock waves the teachers and staff in the office were. The girls seemed to approve of her style, though…I could here whispers of “kawaii” (cute) emanating from them. The guys, however, were just staring kinda slack jawed.

One of the boys that had been neutered by Miss Betty into puppy-like gentleness, having returned to form in her absence, arrived a few seconds after me. He ran to his seat, sat and faced forward, took a look at Nakano sensei (all 一生かわいい子’d up for TGIF, planning to go boozing with TEAM美魔女 after work no doubt) bulged his eyes, leaned forward and yelled, “Donbiki!!!”どん引き!!!” (WTF!!! This chick gives me the creeps!)

Loco

PS: Check out my book: Hi! My Name is Loco and I am a Racist, available on Amazon here and at most online book shops around the world! You’ll be glad you did, and so will I (-;

PPS: This is a blast from the past, re-post of a story I did 2 years ago!

 

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10 Responses to “ピンク熟女の物語: The Tale of the MILF in Pink”

  1. Mandi Harris 26 November 2012 at 12:05 pm Permalink

    I have a teacher like this at my school. She is not over the top like Nakano sensei but she likes to wear cute things and act cute. She is reaching that “certain” age here. She once asked me if a woman over thirty could marry in America. I gave her the most positive answers I could. This trend of looking “too cute” is a bit scary to me. Some women do it well but on others it can be almost grotesque. What happened to aging gracefully? I am not saying to not take care of yourself or try to look good. But it’s okay to act like an adult and look good.

    • Locohama 26 November 2012 at 12:18 pm Permalink

      Yeah, i don’t get it either…Maybe its the AKB48 generation that’s getting all the love, so certain agers feel they gotta do drastic ish. I (used to)prefer the jukujo who are single, mostly by choice, independent, mature (by J-standards), and gave up the OD Pink crap when they were teens…thanks for the shout, Mandi (-;

  2. Eddie 26 November 2012 at 1:29 pm Permalink

    This story reminds me of a lot of women I know. Maybe not in the aspect of wearing a lot of pink and dressing like a pre teen, but more in the aspect of acting like a wild, young, stereotypical, 20 something, college girl. It seems to be growing really popular with single middle-aged women, (not all of them of course) I blame many things for this, and two of them are shows called “Basketball Wives” and “The Real Housewives of” series. I think women of all ages are entitled to have fun and enjoy themselves just like everybody else, however I think they should always remember their age and how their actions affect not only them but also those around them.

    • Locohama 26 November 2012 at 3:29 pm Permalink

      “…acting like a wild, young, stereotypical, 20 something, college girl” Nah, this is more like a pre-teen girl!
      Never watched those shows you mentioned, but I can imagine what they’re like. Thanks for the shout Eddie!

  3. klutz 26 November 2012 at 10:59 pm Permalink

    This really made me laugh. I work for a Japanese bank. All the dudes on the floor wear the same old salary-man uniform. Graying white shirt, crappy black suit,etc.

    But the ladies, .. I just don’t think they could get away with wearing the kind of stuff they wear here anywhere else on the planet. And yes, the pigeon toe’d, knock kneed walk .. I just don’t understand it.

    OK, I guess if you went to a club and were surrounded by a hundred randy dudes, sure.. be all feminine, flaunt it. But at work? How can anyone be taken seriously looking like that? No wonder that all senior managers here are identikit middle aged gray salarymen! Madness..

    • Locohama 26 November 2012 at 11:04 pm Permalink

      Yeah, makes me laugh to…at least it used to. Now I just SMH, inside of course. Thanks for the shout!

    • Locohama 28 November 2012 at 3:50 pm Permalink

      Glad you enjoyed it, Klutz! She was certainly a sight that sores the eyes (-;

  4. Chris 27 November 2012 at 7:14 am Permalink

    Man Loco,
    I laughed so hard reading this. See it every day and guess Ive gotten use to it but still have the same reaction as you did.

  5. Dochimichi1 28 November 2012 at 9:46 pm Permalink

    Fascinating )) In UK there’s a similar trend, but rather than “forever cute” mature ladies go for a “forever playmate” theme. Not sure, which one is more terrifying!
    どん引き!(* *)V

  6. Rose 6 December 2012 at 2:15 am Permalink

    “…because Japanese men are fixated on little girls?”

    Ugh, this, so much this. What’s really scary is the idea that these grown women are basically trying to make themselves attractive to pedophiles. And really scary that pedophiles get away with treating women and girls like shit because the media kowtows to the almighty otaku wallet.

    I really hope Akiyama finds love with a non-otaku man.

    Great post as always, Loco.


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